Need to convince the wife... help me out

[mandarin_goby]

Lying to your spouse is a TOTAL different issue then sexism..

An example of sexism is, "I am a guy and I am better then a female at anything".

Using sarcasm such as "You should buy your wife some diamonds" is not.

IE:
If I was shopping for a color palette for a male I would lean towards a Blue, Black, Grey. If I was buying a color palette for a girl I would lean towards Yellow, Pink, Orange.

Now employing your theory of how sexism works, I would be sexist.

Sexist comments = just get her some shoes, she'll be happy (all women love shoes); buy her some jewels, she'll be happy (all women love jewelry); tell her everything is $10, she won't even know (because she knows nothing about fish, because she's a woman)...all women love pink (yep, that's sexist, you got it)

and...I don't reaaaalllly think the comments about buying her stuff to offset her anger when you make $$$ purchases were entirely sarcasm.

come one now. sexism = stereotypes - that was in the definition I looked up, but what do I know? These statements imply that we're simple creatures and ya'll have us figured out. Ha!

lying to her just implies she's too stupid to know the truth - because she's a woman, what does she know? This MP10 was totally $20

why is it so hard to be honest?

here's a comment that IS true: happy wife, happy life........don't lie. if she catches you, your life won't be very happy

now, the original post was about how to get the wife on board with spending mad loot on a sweet setup. honesty works. that is all. involve her in the process. let her pick stuff (we women love pretty things, ya know?). easy things to do.

women, amirite? /sarcasm

 

[jerpa]

Humor thrives on stereotypes. For every drop-dead gorgeous, fashion-obsessed supermom on TV there is a fat, beer-drinking, sports obsessed guy wasting away on a couch. You don't have to find the jokes funny but please do not turn them into more than they are.

 

[smkooq]

Sexist comments = just get her some shoes, she'll be happy (all women love shoes); buy her some jewels, she'll be happy (all women love jewelry); tell her everything is $10, she won't even know (because she knows nothing about fish, because she's a woman)...all women love pink (yep, that's sexist, you got it)

and...I don't reaaaalllly think the comments about buying her stuff to offset her anger when you make $$$ purchases were entirely sarcasm.

come one now. sexism = stereotypes - that was in the definition I looked up, but what do I know? These statements imply that we're simple creatures and ya'll have us figured out. Ha!

lying to her just implies she's too stupid to know the truth - because she's a woman, what does she know? This MP10 was totally $20

why is it so hard to be honest?

here's a comment that IS true: happy wife, happy life........don't lie. if she catches you, your life won't be very happy

now, the original post was about how to get the wife on board with spending mad loot on a sweet setup. honesty works. that is all. involve her in the process. let her pick stuff (we women love pretty things, ya know?). easy things to do.

women, amirite? /sarcasm

Well then you are sexist too then (following your theory), are you not?

You immediately assumed I was male, just because I contradicted your accusations of calling people sexist against females.

YOU stereotyped ME, so are you sexist?

Your theory of "Sexism" falls short. I am not trying to insult you but it does seem your being too overly sensitive over the subject of sexism.. No one insulted anyones gender.

Stereotyping does not equate to sexism, but can be a derivative of sexism..

 

[mandarin_goby]

Humor thrives on stereotypes. For every drop-dead gorgeous, fashion-obsessed supermom on TV there is a fat, beer-drinking, sports obsessed guy wasting away on a couch. You don't have to find the jokes funny but please do not turn them into more than they are.

um, they are what they are - offensive assumptions. that is all. I'm allowed to be offended. I personally don't like being lumped into a group. you wouldn't like it much if your significant other was an the purse forum (yes, it exists) and they wanted to buy a $4k purse but they didn't want him to get upset. the other women say, just buy him some car parts (insert manly stereotype here), that'll shut him up...come on now, that's not cool.

it's about respect and I'm not seeing much here.

how was my post to you assuming you, smkooq, were male? I was simply restating stuff already said. "you" was for all of the dudes here.

yes, I have a sense of humor, but talking about us like we're all the same is annoying.

"Stereotyping does not equate to sexism, but can be a derivative of sexism.."...so, it's sexism.

 

[jerpa]

um, they are what they are - offensive assumptions. that is all. I personally don't like being lumped into a group. you wouldn't like it much if your significant other was an the purse forum (yes, it exists) and they wanted to buy a $4k purse but they didn't want him to get upset. the other women say, just buy him some car parts (insert manly stereotype here), that'll shut him up...come on now, that's not cool.

it's about respect and I'm not seeing much here.

how was my post to you assuming you, smkooq, were male? I was simply restating stuff already said.

yes, I have a sense of humor, but talking about us like we're all the same is annoying.

Once again we are going on assumptions. I have been around conversations much like this but from the female perspective. I actually laugh at it, much as I laugh at these comments. If we were all so disrespectful of our wives I doubt we would have them. If you have never made a joke, or laughed at one, that involved a stereotype of any kind then I guess some would say you are a much better person than me.

 

[dan-in-gr]

Take your prices above of $1150 and add $1000 for everything else, let her know it is less than $2500. See what reaction is. Remember, most women wear pants in the relationship.

From experience, just buy tank and not mention other costs. Less said the better. But hey, I have been divorced for 25 years and do as i want.

 

[mandarin_goby]

Once again we are going on assumptions. I have been around conversations much like this but from the female perspective. I actually laugh at it, much as I laugh at these comments. If we were all so disrespectful of our wives I doubt we would have them. If you have never made a joke, or laughed at one, that involved a stereotype of any kind then I guess some would say you are a much better person than me.

eh, it's just about mutual respect too. I don't tell my fiance my Coach purse was $10. He's not stupid.

and, this isn't the 1st time I've seen posts about hiding costs and separate accounts here, so it's kind of a cumulative effect. That bugs me. As a girl, I just have to shake my head.

I'm gonna hang up my high heels (no, I don't really wear them) on this debate. I have to do those things women do, like cakes to bake (no, I hate baking) and $4k purses to buy (I would never). Besides, my proper place is in the kitchen (I hate the kitchen) not at the computer!

That being said, happy reefing ya'll.

 

[jerpa]

I don't actually tell my wife everything cost $20. I thought the jest was apparent in my post when I quoted a very realistic build cost. I'm sorry if my humor offended you as that truly was not my intent. My line of thinking was more along the lines of "no sane woman would allow her husband to spend this kind of money on fish". Please also realize that as much as that offended you I could easily have been just as offended by the assumptions you made based on that one comment.

Where's my beer...

 

[mandarin_goby]

I don't actually tell my wife everything cost $20. I thought the jest was apparent in my post when I quoted a very realistic build cost. I'm sorry if my humor offended you as that truly was not my intent. My line of thinking was more along the lines of "no sane woman would allow her husband to spend this kind of money on fish". Please also realize that as much as that offended you I could easily have been just as offended by the assumptions you made based on that one comment.

Where's my beer...

argh...I gotta reply. I was giving examples of stereotypes of dudes I know not to be true. Not all men like beer.

you don't have to explain. it's ok. bygones.

now, if you excuse me, I have cookies to make.

 

[jerpa]

now, if you excuse me, I have cookies to make.

Me too. No seriously... I love cookies.

 

[Blayz77]

wow how things get blown out of proportion, i dont really understand where all the sexist stuff came into play here lol. its a matter of personalities. there is always an exception to every rule and always someone who doesnt fit into the stereo types. that doesnt mean the stereo types are wrong persay.

in all actuallity its not a hidden account she is well aware that i have it, her name just isnt on it, since ive had that account since way before we met 17 years ago she had never pushed the issue on being on it so its one of those things. if she asked to be put on it fine there is no money in it i just keep it because its an old account and my first credit card i ever got.

the main focus here is personalities in my case my wife is very how you say price consious. i dont want to use the word cheap cause she isnt but she is a hell of a lot tighter with money then i am. so its only natural that if i tell her how much in reality the tank is gonna cost to set up which will be a lot more then that 4k purse you were talking about she might have a heart attack or stroke or something.

you are in a different league being that you are into the fish tank scene and have an understanding of having an expensive hobby. if this was the case with me i wouldnt bend the truth because you would already understand the costs.

 

[CarlitosReef]

Lol all I know is I'm not married yet lol

 

[smkooq]

how was my post to you assuming you, smkooq, were male? I was simply restating stuff already said. "you" was for all of the dudes here.

Quote from you: are you a guy? of course you think they're not sexist!

"Stereotyping does not equate to sexism, but can be a derivative of sexism.."...so, it's sexism.

And you came to this conclusion how? Stereotyping is what it exactly sounds like.

Stereotyping = Stereotyping. If I say a lot of Asians like rice, am I racist? What if I say a lot of Males like cars, am I sexist?

Now can sexism derive from stereotyping? Sure, such as "Females can not do as much physically demanding jobs as males because they are smaller"

There is a big difference between stereotyping and sexism, lets not get them mixed up.

 

[erock68]

well, I did just move from Norfolk, Va and I really miss it and you're in Va Beach...lol

yeah, I'm not one of those fussy materialistic womens, ya know? There's lots of us out there. I appreciate honesty above all. If a dude were to throw jewels and shoes at me, I'd get real suspicious and think, ok, what have you done now?

My fiance knows better than to lie to me about prices of computer things he buys. I know how to google. Then again, it doesn't matter because we have separate accounts, so we do what we want!

He didn't think $60 for a clam was easy to stomach. Still, he paid half. Yay. And, he did balk a little when I wanted 2 sexy shrimp for $20 each, but guys like sexy things right ? So, voila, we buy the 2 sexy shrimp and we're both happy.

For those of ya'll who say to hide funds (not the 1st time I've seen that posted on this forum) - would you like it if she hid stuff from you?

Just be honest!

My wife doesn't mind, as long as I keep it within reason. She does love looking at the reef though. My next purchase is a dual GFO/Carbon reactor plus media, from BRS. Gonna be around $165.00

 

[tgillespie]

Had a busy weekend and wasn't able to check the thread... wow My wife is definitely not the shoes, jewelry type... She likes volleyball, and thats about it. She does have a closet full of cloths... so maybe there is hope in bribery.

We both make good money, its just hard justifying $2000 tank instead of new mountain bikes, or a vacation. It really boils down to priorities and whats important to the both of us. A fish tank is important to me, but I'm not going to take the plunge if she doesn't see the value.

The good news is, she received a promotion today... I will update you all when we have a final decision.

 

[Fizz71]

...well this started as in interesting thread. Time to unsubscribe.