superkat
Premium Member
One of the worst things I've ever done for my self-esteem was to underestimate myself or my abilities. Interesting way to start a thought, huh? Two short weeks ago, I took on a lead role for a play that opens this Thursday. All of the other actors have had their script and have been learning their lines for MONTHS. I just got the script. I've been walking around the stage trying to interact with the others (all "off book", which means they have their lines memorized), and me with a small journal tucked under my arms like a scared little school girl. EEK. Having the script handy is a HUGE security blanket...because at least I have some clue of what is going on around me...but it is also an enormous hinderance, because I cannot fully become who I am supposed to be because my hands are full of not only my lines...but everyone elses.
Oh...those that follow my blogs...i'm sure you can understand that out of this little glitch in my immediate life right now...I am sure to find something profound. I am starting to enjoy this "painting with words"...as it's what I initially went to college for...journalism...but I got bored. This knowledge has come in handy, however, since I have spoken to thousands of people at one time, many times, in many countries and for many reasons. As a representative for Singapore Airlines at Southeastern Academy in Kissimee, FL, Immigration Officer at LAX for trainees, at a safety and tact training seminar in Singapore (where we got to fly a 747 simulator and practice an emergency water landing in an olympic sized indoor swimming pool....i crashed my 747 by the way...but that's another story.... in Brazil and the Ukraine for Global Awakening under the guidance of a wonderful man by the name of Randy Clark, and as an associate pastor writing sermons for a local Vineyard church (this was five years ago). And although I really dislike qualifying my own personal blogs and recollections of my own life...I will state, for the record...I don't make this stuff up. I have led a very interesting life..and will continue to do so until the day I take my last breath. And maybe even afterwards...if I have my way.
But I digress. My dear friend Randy (above) would call that a "bunny trail"...and once, in front of a film crew at a church in Utica...he actually made bunny ears behind me when I got so excited about another subject during my talk with the congregation.
Ok, ok...back to the script thing. So here is a group of people. There's Kate, Jack, Eugene, Laurie, Nora, Stanley and Blanche (that's me)...and they all have their own lines to speak...the thing is...unless you have some knowledge of what everyone else is saying...you can't possibly participate in the action and there is no way you can connect or even stay in control of your character. Let's look at that statement again, unless you have some knowledge of what everyone else is saying...you can't possibly participate in the action and there is no way you can connect or even stay in control of your character. How profound a statement is that? And to think it came from something silly...like a play. I can honestly state, in the years that I have been involved theater (25 years)...there is significantly less drama on a stage than there is in real life. This truly amazes me. But Richard Bach got it right (and forgive me for constantly quoting "Illusions"...but you should really go and get a copy. It's an easy read. One night...and I promise it will change your perspective on life. Whenever I feel myself slipping...I pick it up and read it. My severely loved copy no longer has a cover.) Here is the quote: "If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats."
So I have two themes going here...one is that without the proper knowledge in your life...in what surrounds you...you can wind up being a victim at your own hand...or worse..at someone else's hand. And two, that people who live and breath, who have blood, and life and purpose...who were born into this world a child without hidden agendas and jaded hearts and who have grown into adults with intelligence and choices and hopefully some sort of feelings...are sometimes NOT REAL. And yet...in my years of stage production, I have seen people FULL OF EMOTION...because they need to speak words or follow through on scripted direction that they would normally never do. As an actor...you are TOLD how to feel, how to move...when to stay...when to leave...and if you never made those decisions in your "real" life...theater can become a learning experience.
As I have stated...playing this role of Blanche..I have broke down a couple of times already during rehearsal...because the words and actions have hit home, so to speak. Blanche is a naive, simple woman...who loves her children and loves life...but is surrounded by others who are so caught up in their own personal motivations and misfortunes they fail to see her genuine heart and ignore her when she states, "i am not perfect".
I'm not perfect either. But tonight I let go of my script and I "ran lines" to see what I had retained in these last two weeks. I literally put down my security blanket. And I was surprised that I KNEW THEM ALL. Without the script, without that silly little journal tucked under my arm. And I discovered that knowledge is power. Something people have been trying to tell me for quite some time. I now have the ability to completely and freely move about the rest of the people on that stage and engage in real action and real emotions because I now hold the same key that they do....freedom. It was in this discovery that I made a silent promise to myself to never again underestimate myself...or let anyone else do it for me.
There's an underlying truth to believing in yourself...and that is...as long as you do...you will always be able to stand against the strongest storm without breaking. The best fortification you can build to protect yourself from these storms is to arm yourself with knowledge...be real...aim high...and if you miss your target...be satisfied that you sincerely TRIED.
Cheers,
Kat
Oh...those that follow my blogs...i'm sure you can understand that out of this little glitch in my immediate life right now...I am sure to find something profound. I am starting to enjoy this "painting with words"...as it's what I initially went to college for...journalism...but I got bored. This knowledge has come in handy, however, since I have spoken to thousands of people at one time, many times, in many countries and for many reasons. As a representative for Singapore Airlines at Southeastern Academy in Kissimee, FL, Immigration Officer at LAX for trainees, at a safety and tact training seminar in Singapore (where we got to fly a 747 simulator and practice an emergency water landing in an olympic sized indoor swimming pool....i crashed my 747 by the way...but that's another story.... in Brazil and the Ukraine for Global Awakening under the guidance of a wonderful man by the name of Randy Clark, and as an associate pastor writing sermons for a local Vineyard church (this was five years ago). And although I really dislike qualifying my own personal blogs and recollections of my own life...I will state, for the record...I don't make this stuff up. I have led a very interesting life..and will continue to do so until the day I take my last breath. And maybe even afterwards...if I have my way.
But I digress. My dear friend Randy (above) would call that a "bunny trail"...and once, in front of a film crew at a church in Utica...he actually made bunny ears behind me when I got so excited about another subject during my talk with the congregation.
Ok, ok...back to the script thing. So here is a group of people. There's Kate, Jack, Eugene, Laurie, Nora, Stanley and Blanche (that's me)...and they all have their own lines to speak...the thing is...unless you have some knowledge of what everyone else is saying...you can't possibly participate in the action and there is no way you can connect or even stay in control of your character. Let's look at that statement again, unless you have some knowledge of what everyone else is saying...you can't possibly participate in the action and there is no way you can connect or even stay in control of your character. How profound a statement is that? And to think it came from something silly...like a play. I can honestly state, in the years that I have been involved theater (25 years)...there is significantly less drama on a stage than there is in real life. This truly amazes me. But Richard Bach got it right (and forgive me for constantly quoting "Illusions"...but you should really go and get a copy. It's an easy read. One night...and I promise it will change your perspective on life. Whenever I feel myself slipping...I pick it up and read it. My severely loved copy no longer has a cover.) Here is the quote: "If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats."
So I have two themes going here...one is that without the proper knowledge in your life...in what surrounds you...you can wind up being a victim at your own hand...or worse..at someone else's hand. And two, that people who live and breath, who have blood, and life and purpose...who were born into this world a child without hidden agendas and jaded hearts and who have grown into adults with intelligence and choices and hopefully some sort of feelings...are sometimes NOT REAL. And yet...in my years of stage production, I have seen people FULL OF EMOTION...because they need to speak words or follow through on scripted direction that they would normally never do. As an actor...you are TOLD how to feel, how to move...when to stay...when to leave...and if you never made those decisions in your "real" life...theater can become a learning experience.
As I have stated...playing this role of Blanche..I have broke down a couple of times already during rehearsal...because the words and actions have hit home, so to speak. Blanche is a naive, simple woman...who loves her children and loves life...but is surrounded by others who are so caught up in their own personal motivations and misfortunes they fail to see her genuine heart and ignore her when she states, "i am not perfect".
I'm not perfect either. But tonight I let go of my script and I "ran lines" to see what I had retained in these last two weeks. I literally put down my security blanket. And I was surprised that I KNEW THEM ALL. Without the script, without that silly little journal tucked under my arm. And I discovered that knowledge is power. Something people have been trying to tell me for quite some time. I now have the ability to completely and freely move about the rest of the people on that stage and engage in real action and real emotions because I now hold the same key that they do....freedom. It was in this discovery that I made a silent promise to myself to never again underestimate myself...or let anyone else do it for me.
There's an underlying truth to believing in yourself...and that is...as long as you do...you will always be able to stand against the strongest storm without breaking. The best fortification you can build to protect yourself from these storms is to arm yourself with knowledge...be real...aim high...and if you miss your target...be satisfied that you sincerely TRIED.
Cheers,
Kat
