superkat
Premium Member
Ok...so watching white Marine paint dry isn't as exciting as watching paint on a canvas dry...and i've been doing a little thinking...a lot of thinking...and some personal soul searching.
I reminded myself that I must always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around at whatever I have time for and never forget everything and every person that has even the least place within my heart. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in daily life that we forget some of the best qualities of life. My mother would quote Ecclesiastics to me all the time, that for every thing there is a season (reason), for every reason there is a purpose...she also said that I may never know what the reasons or purposes are before I die. Which kinda blows...but I trust my Mom...and I trust God...two influences in my life that will always remain constant.
We discussed time machines in a thread...and Jeremy Irons once said, "œWe all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams." The important thing to remember here is that we control what we want to remember and what we want to dream. Being in control, making our own way and our own decisions is important to our existence...to who we are inside. Outside appearances are nice...and sometimes all anyone ever looks at...but when someone takes the time to look inside...and see what is there...that's more precious than anything superficial. I keep tons of things buried inside....only the people that I trust ever get to see into my heart. A few slip by...but I will never look at that as a mistake of my own, but perhaps the bigger picture of "for everything there is a reason."
Forgiving does not erase the past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. It's a matter of changing the focus. You can take a landscape shot, a macro shot....you can center the focus, blur the focus...but it's all the same picture...just different ways of looking at it. You can even crop the picture...but it does not remove the reality of what was once there. Think about that.
I've made it a point to never try and block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything we live through helps to make us the people that we are today. It actually shapes our future...defines us...REFINES us. I cannot change my memories, but I can change their meaning and the power they have over me.
St. Teresa said, "œRemember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life. . . . If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing." And along with that...some that you cannot deny that you must care about. For me...that would be the welfare of others.
There is something called the "Butterfly Effect", no, not the movie...but the chaos theory , e.g. a butterfly flapping its wings in South America can affect the weather in Central Park. The question then arises "” why does a set of completely deterministic equations exhibit this behavior? After all, scientists are often taught that small initial perturbations lead to small changes in behavior. The answer lies in the nature of the equations; they were nonlinear equations. While they are difficult to solve, nonlinear systems are central to chaos theory and often exhibit fantastically complex and chaotic behavior.
So if we "flap our wings" exactly how many equations are we creating? And are we creating good ones, or bad ones? And how much do we want to be held responsible for? Personally...I would like to be able to know that whatever I did in my life shined with the warmth and sincerity of a forgiving heart.
I've taken a couple breaks while writing this and I've gone and looked at my beautiful little boy...my sweet miracle boy, who i was never supposed to have...and I think...who do I want to be for my son? When my son looks at me, what will reflect from my eyes? Later in life, if I'm still here for him...will he still look at me with innocent eyes and declare his unconditional love? What will I teach him? I look at his sweet face and know that nothing is more important than that little boy...and my love for him...
And it becomes very clear that it is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. I have a responsibility to be the person I want my son to be. I must take personal responsibility. I cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but I can change myself. That is something I have charge of.
I'm going to end this with one of my favorite songs from the musical, Rent:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today
if something in this has touched you, or made you think...i welcome all comments...that's why i started this blog...to get you to think..and comment...and maybe get a breath of fresh air in your thinking in the process.
peace,
kat
I reminded myself that I must always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around at whatever I have time for and never forget everything and every person that has even the least place within my heart. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in daily life that we forget some of the best qualities of life. My mother would quote Ecclesiastics to me all the time, that for every thing there is a season (reason), for every reason there is a purpose...she also said that I may never know what the reasons or purposes are before I die. Which kinda blows...but I trust my Mom...and I trust God...two influences in my life that will always remain constant.
We discussed time machines in a thread...and Jeremy Irons once said, "œWe all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams." The important thing to remember here is that we control what we want to remember and what we want to dream. Being in control, making our own way and our own decisions is important to our existence...to who we are inside. Outside appearances are nice...and sometimes all anyone ever looks at...but when someone takes the time to look inside...and see what is there...that's more precious than anything superficial. I keep tons of things buried inside....only the people that I trust ever get to see into my heart. A few slip by...but I will never look at that as a mistake of my own, but perhaps the bigger picture of "for everything there is a reason."
Forgiving does not erase the past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. It's a matter of changing the focus. You can take a landscape shot, a macro shot....you can center the focus, blur the focus...but it's all the same picture...just different ways of looking at it. You can even crop the picture...but it does not remove the reality of what was once there. Think about that.
I've made it a point to never try and block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything we live through helps to make us the people that we are today. It actually shapes our future...defines us...REFINES us. I cannot change my memories, but I can change their meaning and the power they have over me.
St. Teresa said, "œRemember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life. . . . If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing." And along with that...some that you cannot deny that you must care about. For me...that would be the welfare of others.
There is something called the "Butterfly Effect", no, not the movie...but the chaos theory , e.g. a butterfly flapping its wings in South America can affect the weather in Central Park. The question then arises "” why does a set of completely deterministic equations exhibit this behavior? After all, scientists are often taught that small initial perturbations lead to small changes in behavior. The answer lies in the nature of the equations; they were nonlinear equations. While they are difficult to solve, nonlinear systems are central to chaos theory and often exhibit fantastically complex and chaotic behavior.
So if we "flap our wings" exactly how many equations are we creating? And are we creating good ones, or bad ones? And how much do we want to be held responsible for? Personally...I would like to be able to know that whatever I did in my life shined with the warmth and sincerity of a forgiving heart.
I've taken a couple breaks while writing this and I've gone and looked at my beautiful little boy...my sweet miracle boy, who i was never supposed to have...and I think...who do I want to be for my son? When my son looks at me, what will reflect from my eyes? Later in life, if I'm still here for him...will he still look at me with innocent eyes and declare his unconditional love? What will I teach him? I look at his sweet face and know that nothing is more important than that little boy...and my love for him...
And it becomes very clear that it is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. I have a responsibility to be the person I want my son to be. I must take personal responsibility. I cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but I can change myself. That is something I have charge of.
I'm going to end this with one of my favorite songs from the musical, Rent:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today
if something in this has touched you, or made you think...i welcome all comments...that's why i started this blog...to get you to think..and comment...and maybe get a breath of fresh air in your thinking in the process.
peace,
kat
