Living your life

[superkat]

So far, I've managed to beat every single odd associated with Takayasu's Arteritis, a disease I was supposed to die from in 2001. I have learned to live my life with an edge that most may find risky, or uncomfortable. But I hold no secrets to the success of life. It is different for everyone. What works for me may not work for others...but I can tell you this, that living life in a state of negativity, regret and "what if" scenarios does nothing but wear down your spirit, cause you to dwell in places that should be left behind and make you, literally, sick. The paths I choose, the decisions I make and the repercussions, if any, of those actions are MY OWN. I have, and always will, follow my heart. Does it get broken? Yes, of course. That is part of the human existence. What I WILL NOT DO is spend my time in "impression management". Think what you want of me for marching to the beat of a different drummer, what others think and do in regards to how I live my life I have no control over, nor will I spin my wheels trying to make everyone happy. My first and utmost concern is aligning myself with others that live life to the fullest...regardless of the mistakes that they make. I once "shot first and asked questions later", when I was young, influenced by a father who alienated himself from most of his friends because they did not agree with him, OR, MORE IMPORTANTLY, he did not agree with THEM. When I thought that I may not may not live to see another sunrise, I decidedly left that part of me behind...or at least I thought I had. When you finally realize that YOUR LIFE is exactly that...YOURS....you can free yourself from the shackles of the drama associated with the misconception that you can judge others based on only a fraction of what you see or hear.

I fully believe that EVERYONE deserves to be happy. REGARDLESS of their past. For everyone holds the keys to their own future. Can people change? Yes. But if they are held in a position where they are unable to affect that change by others that hold the keys to their past, it is not only unfair, it is literally robbing others of their right as human beings to live their life AS THEY CHOOSE. We may not agree with what they do, who they are or the direction of their lives...but it is not our job to be the cause of inhibiting another from moving forward.

I have been told that I am naive. I TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT. Why? Here is the definition:

"having or showing unaffected simplicity of nature or absence of artificiality; unsophisticated; ingenuous."

and breaking down "ingenuous" :

"FREE from reserve, restraint, or dissimulation; candid; sincere."

The fact that I DO NOT and WILL NOT share certain details of my life with everyone does not mean that I am dishonest...it just means that those areas of my life are private. I was once the judge of someone else, whose shoes I now walk in, and I can tell you that I completely understand the choices that were made based on what I now know...AND FEEL. Some areas of people's lives are, and should remain, in a "need to know" state. If I think that you are better off not knowing, or that if you knew it would hurt you and distract you from living happily...I won't tell you. It's just that simple. It doesn't mean that I lied to you...it just means I felt you were better off not knowing. How people react to that choice in how I live my life range from acceptance to bitterness...and again, I have no control over that. And there is no need for anyone to apologize to someone else for what they choose to feel. We do, however, need to apologize for ever placing another human being in a position where others are influenced by the majority rule. In other words...if you form an army based on any one person's perspective, not only do you cause the ball of drama to continue to roll...you scoop up innocent bystanders in the process. I am ashamed to admit that I have formulated armies of this nature. And I WILL NOT be a part of anything like that ever again. That is a promise.

I love life. I love people. I live to express, to communicate...to show love and compassion. To forgive. To live without regret and fear. I live to embrace the unembraceable, to show kindness and generosity to ANYONE that seeks it from me. If you can accept that in me, if you can understand that I cannot live in a state of negativity, or hold grudges, they you will begin to see who I really am. I share my life and my love with everyone. I also will give others second, third, fourth...unlimited chances...because, who am I to say that there is a limit to that? If you can stand back, regroup and let go of the past...who can say what tomorrow will bring? Is that naive? Yes. But I would rather my heart be broken a bazillion times than to be numb or dead to the possibilities of a future that does not formulate itself on the foundations of a distant past.

I am a revolutionist (one who is radically new or innovative; lives outside or beyond established procedure, principles), especially when it comes to dealing with people. If I avoid problems, I'll never be the one who overcame them. There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.

I'll end this note with a quote from RENT:
"Take me for what I am. Who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me."

I welcome any and all comments on this note. In fact...I'm looking forward to seeing what you all have to say.

I have and always will be a friend...to anyone that asks that of me. ANYONE.

 

[superkat]

if anyone would like to learn more about TA...there are several websites, including NORD, that can better inform you. TA, when caught in it's early stages, can be put into remission for many years. However, if you are one of the small percentage where the disease goes undetected and further complications arise...such as the necessity to undergo emergency open heart surgery to replace an aortic valve and a majority of the aorta due to deterioration, or where the carotid and vertebral arteries are impacted to the point where your vision and equilibrium are disrupted, or further damage to nerve endings, or where the SED rate is above 100 and radical and unapproved chemotherapy is required for a period of two years, the survival rate decreases drastically. For seven years, from 1996 through 2001, i had two injections daily of several various forms of chemotherapy to stop my immune system from completely destroying what was left of my arteries.

 

[Mmckibben]

i know how you feel. my sister has an unknown condition that put her in bed for 6 months. the doctors thought she would die. now she has arthritic symptoms and low energy, but she's still out and about. Despite missing a year of high school she was able to make it all up and get a 5 on her ap. she heads off to iowa state university in august. I might be only 15 but i can understand how scary medical problems can be. Im glad to see what a positive out look on life people can have despite tramittizing events. its a change from the gloom and doom i saw allot in middle school. Allot of my class mates were really nasty and had little posative to say. thanks for rasing my spirits. :thumbsup:

 

[Mmckibben]

i noticed you have little to no posts on reefing. I commend you for going against the flow and speaking out. You speak out to the community despite the fact it may not listen. Being a super big enviormentalist i have quit a bit of hate for humanity. I take farmed corals and fish to a new level. There are few people i really respect in the world because of this, but i find allot to respect in you. You keep a smile on your face and go all out even when life is bad. I've never really told this to any one and no one would ever guess i was mad so thanks for letting me decompress.

 

[Mmckibben]

i saw on one of your posts you were an artist. Im really into art and photography. Would you mind if i could see some of your work. Ill be happy to show mine.

 

[superkat]

wow...thank you for the support...believe me, it really means alot. When I found that I could have my own blog here, and moderate it on my own, i decided that it would be one where I could just blurt out what was on my mind and in my heart...because the forum is entirely reef based. Conversations that touch upon subjects that most people don't talk about...or keep hidden inside...are few and far between. I am really glad I've been able to pass this along and that there are those that find use in what I say. Mmckibben - go to my page...I have a gallery, Kat's artwork, there are some of my pieces there. My faves are the reefscapes...i build up actual sculpture on the canvas with paint and sand from Durand Beach, or ashes from my wood stove. Then paint right on top of that. My artwork is also on the walls of two reef shops here in Rochester, Carribbean Forest and ABC Pets. I'll start another blog and if anyone wants to post pics of their art, or something you'd like to see be made into art...feel free.

Thanks again for the comments.

 

[Mmckibben]

i look forward to it

 

[superkat]

one of my very favorite quotes from RENT is this,

"Yes, you live a lie!
Tell you why...
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create & observe
When you really detatch from feeling alive"

this is EXACTLY why i get up every morning and embrace the day as if it were my last. I never want to be this kind of person.