as far as figuring out which is male and/or female: to my understanding, they change. So if you have a group, they are born (i've read both) all sexless or all male. Once 'of age', the most dominant of the group will become female. 2nd in line becomes male, (or steps up as the dominant male).
If the female is removed, #2 can step up to become female, and next in line will step up as the dominant male. Pretty crazy...
So there are no characteristics of determining male vs female at the pet store. If you pick the smallest out of three in a tank at the store, chances are it won't be female.
My only experience with this has been my current pair that have only just started spawning. I chose an orange and white snowflake, fairly good size, in a tank by herself at the LFS. Knowing that she could potentially already be a female, I picked out a black and white from another tank that was the smallest of a group of 5. Introduced them in the same tank at the same time. 2 YEARS later... they have eggs.
Hope that is helpful with getting started.
OH.. and will add, I don't think they can go backwards in development. I don't think female can become male. Which is why it's important to take care when selecting a pair, as if you get two females, chances are they won't pair, or get along at all.