Trying to stay in the hobby.... looking bleek

[Lucky Lefty]

Need some serious motivation, or maybe a dose of reality to realize it's time to hang it up.

About 10 months ago, my wife gave birth to our twin daughters. They decided to make their arrival super SUPER early, and we're in the hospital for 5 whole months before they came home.

Needless to say, my tank got put on the furthest back burner I had, and literally went 5 months+ with just food getting dropped it and fresh water topped off.

Lost ALL of my coral, roughly $1500 worth of coral, mostly acans and other lps, at least, lost a lot of inverts.. and 2 fish went tile surfing.

Still have 6 fish (desjardini, cbb, clown, hippo, puffer, mandarin), carpet anemone, small piece of torch hanging on, and some softies.

Tank has been through a few stages of cyano and no green algae and I just haven't given it the time it really needs to get back to where I had it.

Went from having a stunning tank, to a **** show and it feels pretty crappy.

I want to get her back up to A1 status... part of me feels like I'm kidding myself.

My kids are home, happy, and very healthy.. so all in all, trading my tank for my girls is well worth it.

Can I get some words of wisdom to get me back on track before I start making for sale ads, or do you think I should just stop the bleeding now?

 

[knutrainer]

If you think you might miss having the tank then keep it. Fix the water chemistry first and then start adding things again.

 

[gone fishin]

I think you need to ask yourself honestly, Do I have enough time to take care of the tank properly. If you have any doubt then I think you got your answer. If you decide to take a break from the tank then maybe in a few years you could fit a tank back into your schedule. Good luck with whatever choice you make.

 

[joshbrookkate]

Anyone around you who could help you get things on track again?

 

[GimpyFin]

Sounds like you have/had a sweet tank, so you obviously have what it takes to make it a success. No reason you can't get it back up to snuff, IMO, unless you just don't have time to dedicate to it.

 

[rockslide123]

You obviously know what it takes to keep a system nice. Did you ever consider downsizing to a 40L or something that doesn't eat as much time?

 

[Gilby]

I had a similar situation 3 years ago. My wife was having our second child and I took a job out of state for 9 months. I had a beautiful 120g sps tank and a biocube 29 and they just kinda went downhill because I wasn't there. Once I got back it was just tough with 2 small children. You just have to ask yourself, are you going to be able to balance the two? And more importantly, at least for me, was is my wife going to approve of me spending a lot of time on the tank when she needs me to help with the kids? It can be done. There's also nothing wrong with taking a break. Its been 3 years for me but I kept all of my equipment and tanks. Just couldn't get rid of it. I knew I would get back in one day. Now that my son and daughter are older they became interested in fish and aquariums and 2 weeks ago I fired up my old biocube. My son is so excited! So I'm back after 3 years. So maybe just wait until your kids are older and they can experience whole process from the beginning with you. Good luck with your decision. It will work out whatever it is.


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[BigDave]

I tore a 75 gallon down and sold everything when my son was born. Trying to keep up with 2 kids and the tank was discouraging for me.

Now that the youngest is 3, I'm in the process of setting a new one back up.

My personal thought... take the tank down. If you have the place to store it, do that. Once the kids are older, then set it back up.

My 6 year old has shown a TON of interest in the whole 'fish tank' process. She is even taking care of her own little beta fish.

 

[Sapelo]

Our son is almost five months old now and our tank is his favorite thing. He "talks" to the fish and will even lay quietly on the couch and watch them swim for sometimes almost 10 minutes at a time.
My husband and I both love the tank so it was never really a choice although he does most of the maintenance.
Our birth was nothing like the experience you've had (although we had some hard times for sure), so the tank, while neglected a bit, did not go downhill as far as it might had we faced your trials.
Having a kid is hard (way harder than I thought it would be and I thought I knew that it was going to be rough) but the tank is good in my opinion and I wanted us to keep it.
For us, the tank is something that is part of who we are. I know kids are sacrifice on top of sacrifice but I also think you have to take care of yourself and leave some space for you too. For us, there were other things we were more willing to give up and I'm glad the tank has stayed. I look forward to our son's developing relationship with the tank, fish, and all of the knowledge that comes with it as he grows and matures. I'm also thrilled that he can have the tank in his life even now. I still remember that our clownfish were the first things he learned to turn his head and follow. I am reasonably certain that "fish" will be his first word since saying goodnight to the fish is part of his bedtime routine.

It's a personal choice really and a bit about how it fits into your life picture as a whole. There's nothing wrong with saying "I need a break" but I also don't think you should feel like your are not sacrificing enough for your kids if you decide to maintain your tank while they are little. In some ways you are even teaching them responsibility if you keep it.

It's a hard choice either way and in the end you'll probably have to follow your gut and then still second guess yourself a few hundred times.
If you're looking for someone to say keep it, I'll be that person. It's hard, no doubt, but I'm glad we did.
Good luck with your decision and your twin girls!

 

[CarrieB]

Trying to stay in the hobby.... looking bleek

So, when they get obsessed with Finding Nemo at 2 years old, will you feel compelled to set up a tank? (This is what happened to me, although it was a grandson.)

In which case, probably less work to keep it going than to shut it down and start it back up.

Unless you want reason for creating your dream tank?


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[Sapelo]

I'm guessing you didn't start reefing over Finding Nemo.
Stick to what is true to you.
If keeping your tank makes sense, do that. There are ways. Maybe now is the time to go FOWLR? Corals do take more and you could always add them back later.
Maybe you can sit down with your wife (probably not right now!) and create a schedule that fits reef tank time into your weekly plans (yeah, it's a routine but from what I know everything with a baby is a routine with give and take so it's not that different honestly...)? Maybe it does not work for you right now?
I think that children come into families to add to them, not to become them. If we needed kids to make ourselves then there would not be much of us to give them.
For me, and I say this as the mom in this partnership, I want both of both my husband and me to be as happy and well-rounded as we can be because I think that's more that we can offer our son.
A reef tank is part of that -- FOR US.
What works for you? No one can say except you.

My sense is that your tank was you before the twins. My personal opinion is that if the tank is your passion (and it was at least enough to reach out here) then you need to decide how much tank you can maintain (i.e., starting to keep SPS and a frag tank is probably out right now) and go for that.
What makes you happy because if you cannot find some space for yourself...oops! That was about me again!
Sorry! This one is close to home!

 

[LaOtIn]

My words of encouragement are this:

I was in the same boat. I ran into some medical problems, work, etc, etc and my 90g tank went straight to file 13th st south!

So, I asked myself this: How much will I miss having coral and fish?

The answer was, yes, I would miss those things.

So here's what I did, I sold nearly everything. Tank, stand, lights, sump, everything except my skimmer that was basically brand new and all that "aquarium junk".

After it was gone I picked up a 40g Breeder tank ($1 a gallon sale). Picked up an aquaclear 110 filter on clearance 50% off. Built my own stand. Got a 4x24watt T5HO light fixture on clearance (again, 50% off). Dried out my rock completely, cleaned it up, cycled it while I was building stand. Got new sand and started over with my new vision in mind.

Vision: Simple, easy, soft coral, few fish, all peaceful, harmony in a box tank.

4g water changes, test it weekly, easy.

I am getting an actinic LED strip for that shimmer effect (had LED on my 90) and a good ATO system. Other than that, no. Simple, easy, low budget, harmony in a box tank.

That's what I did (am doing, still cycling a nice long cycle time). And you know what, I am excited about the hobby again. Looking forward to new coral and fish like I was 6 years ago getting into this hobby. Its great.

 

[Lucky Lefty]

Wow everyone.. awesome advice I really appreciatell all of it.
I was obsessed with my tank prior to the girls arrival. It pretty much consumed my free time and I loved every second of it. The hard part is that I worked really hard on establishing the tank for 2 years and finally worked out a lot of kinks and had the tank right where I wanted it, them slowly watched eveything wither away and I've just kind of been maintaining that lull.
Part of me thinks it's possible to keep it going, buy I think the idea of going to a fowl is a good one.
Right now the glass is dirty, film of algae on everything and I think my fish hate me a little bit. I think being in its current state is adding to the discouragement.
I guess what makes it somewhat difficult is that it's MY hobby. The Mrs isn't really involved much, aside from checking out the fish here and there. It's tough to stand at the fish tank for 30 minutes when she's trying to juggle 2 babies after I've been at work all day.
I love the tank, and I look forward to teaching my girls about it, I guess part of the fear of breaking it down is that I'll probably never get around to starting one up again because I'll always be "too busy".

I'm going to try and dedicate a couple upcoming Sundays to really cleaning up the tank, maybe shifting the landscape and removing all the coral skeletons
I think if I get it back looking somewhat decent and get back to simple maintenance Ill feel much better about it.

 

[gbru316]

Another +1 for take the tank down. Restart in a few years when the kiddo is old enough to show interest and can "help" with setting it up.

I'm in the middle of that process now that he's old enough to occupy himself for short periods of time (enough for a water change or some routine maintenance, anyway). He'll be "helping" me put up a wall in the basement for the fish room (I say "helping" because it'll amount to him banging on some scrap wood with a hammer, but he'll get a thrill out of it). The extra time with my son during the first few years, when he was completely useless without my wife or I, is time I knew I would never get back. Reefkeeping is just a hobby, after all.

On that note, my son is often the only toddler at the LFS capable of correctly identifying percula/ocellaris as "Nemo" and a hippo as "Dory." The other toddlers called every orange fish "Nemo." I'll admit it, I'm a bit proud of that.

 

[RoxannaBanana]

I think the real question is... Think of why you got a tank in the first place... I'm assuming like most hobbyists, it was a place of serenity. It sounds like you need that. Being that it sounds like you put a lot of care and work into it, I don't think it would take much to get back with your experience, and it's something you can share with your kids. Whatever you choose, enjoy the journey.

 

[Ou8me2]

I think you need to decide how much time you have to dedicate to a tank and be realistic with yourself. I understand real life things come up and sacrifices have to be made in tough times. You got to think about it at the end of the day that you just can't keep throwing money into it if you can't maintain it properly. The inhabitants in the tank deserve better.

I'm not so sure I would sell anything off and probably would just break it down. You are gonna lose a lot of $$$ trying to sell things off and you won't get but a fraction of what you invested.

I don't think it's a lost cause, but I do think it's going to take some effort to get things to where they need to be to have a tank you can be proud of again.