anenome opens up huge most of the time and then....

It depends on what type of anemone it is. This is perfectly normal for a BTA. For most other host anemones it is a sign of trouble.
 
My RBTA did that when acclimating to my tank. Now, it only shrinks up at night or when it's about to split. It rarely does it any other time during the photo period. Not an expert opinion, just my experience.
 
My GBTA does that. It will be huge and then I'll look over 30 minutes later and he is all deflated looking like he is dead and then the next day he is all full again. I use to get scared but I have just learned that he does that. I have had him for over 6 months and he is doing just fine.
 
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