Our significant others and our reef tanks

[bif24701]

My wife has a planted tank she keeps, mostly. I have the final say just so she doesn't screw it up. But for the most part she is very good about her research and choices. I just added CO2 so she was happy about that.

When I first got into the hobby she was happy about it cause I finally found my hobby. Little did she know. I have spent countless hours on the computer doing research, so so much money, an hour of more each day and half a day on the weekends, sometimes more. I'll sit and watch my tank for hours while she is watching the Walking Dead. She does complain about how much I invest in it money/time. My sons bathroom is my water mixing station, always something going on there. One closet has turned into a chemistry lab. Funniest thing is when her friends come over and first thing they see is the tank and they say "Wow!" then we spend the next 30 minutes talking about it. I can see she gets mad. She used to complain I didn't have a hobby all the time. They always have to have something to complain about.

 

[Jscholar]

My wife is the reason i got into this hobby. She had a 55gal freshwater tank that I thought was boring so I talked her into switching to saltwater. We work together to take care of our 144gal half moon together. I find and buy all the equiment and hook it all up. She does all the tank cleaning and monitoring. We both do the fish/coral buying, feeding and water changes.

 

[Flashy Fins]

It's crazy to me how many people think being in a relationship means hobbies and interests outside that relationship should just disappear and never be missed. I don't operate that way and would never stay with someone who acted like that. However baffling, I can't deny it's a common attitude. My best friend's fiance is a snowboarder, and every time he and his buddies plan a day of it, half of them end up backing out due to a girlfriend or wife who tells them they can't go. The idea of needing permission to have some innocent fun is ludicrous! My friend is excited when her guy goes, because he comes back rejuvenated after a fun time and appreciative of how nice it is to be with someone who is happy to see him happy. Keeping friendships and hobbies intact prevents either person ever feeling like they had to give a part of themselves up to be in that relationship. There will be a tipping point if it goes that way, when one partner realizes the other isn't worth it.

My wife likes our tanks and appreciates the effort I put in, as she has zero interest in the maintenance, but enjoys watching the corals feeding and fishes swimming around. She is far less interested in the freshwater tank I keep, but has never complained about it, unless you count the suggestion to turn it into another salt tank (which I am taking). Whenever I'm frustrated by something that isn't working right, she suggests I buy better equipment to make my life easier. In stores, when I'm contemplating expensive purchases and trying to talk myself into buying less, she tells me I deserve all of it and encourages me to get everything I want. I don't always do that, because I'm budget-minded, but when I do splurge, it's really nice to see her as excited about the new purchases as I am. One local shop owner has picked up on the dynamic and always asks why I didn't bring her with me whenever I come in alone. :lmao:

 

[moriarty]

When it comes to our significant others and our hobbies, I think that Grace Murray Harper's quote: "It is better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission" is just about spot on!

 

[Fish Biscuit]

I can tell you that my horse is not at all jealous about my tank. He probably only knows about it because he hears me talking about it with the girls at the barn.

We have a girl at work that takes the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" approach when it comes to buying puppies. Five dogs later including 2 French mastiffs and she is still married so I would say that has some success in the long run.

 

[mpderksen]

My wife is probably more like the OP girlfriend. It's not the money, it's the time. I play Bass, race triathlon and started a tank. It came down to 3 hobbies (none cheap) that all involved significant time.
Last year I quit racing and joined a CrossFit gym WITH her instead. Now, 3 nights each week we're together. Her emotional tank is full, and mine has coral. We also bought a Harley to take rides on some weekends.
No more 5-hour, 80 mile bicycle rides, and I do most maintenance while she's either watching TV, or in the morning. She still rolls her eyes when I break out the tripod, or spend hours here on the forum. But my marriage has much better balance now.
I didn't marry her to just have a roommate.