Our significant others and our reef tanks

My wife has a love/hate relationship with the tank. I got into the tank bc she wanted me to cut back on poker as a hobby. There were no complaints when I won but when I lost I had less money, nothing to show for it and missed quality time with kids.

She doesn't mind me spending on the tank bc I have something to show for it. I do get "the look" when she disapproves of how much I spend on something. Right now I'm scared to buy a new light to grow corals bc I have a basic light for fish.

She liked looking at it though especially when I have fish with color. However she hates and noise or salt smell so I always hear about that when she's in a bad mood.

Like others said she wants fish that are not comparable with my plan and I'm always stopping her from trying to buy something to put in that's artificial. Last week I put my foot down and said no to a nemo statue bc I like the tank looking natural.

So overall my tank is like I'm cheating on my wife bc I spend more on it. At least my kids like it. If only they didn't have fingerprints. Sigh.
 
I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing my wife complain about the time and money i spend on my tank. A lesson to all single guys if your girlfriend starts to complain get rid of her. lol. It only gets worse.
 
Before I got my 220 she said "save your money".
After it was delivered she said " If I had known it was that big you never would have gotten it".
When we moved there was a spot for a 300 gallon Deep Dimension in the drawings.
I reconsidered because of the space it took up & a 250 sits there now.
I once said- "I could always go to the bars & look for women instead".
No Complaints since.
 
my Wife has been extremely understanding and supportive over the past year as I've spent 1000's accumulating good equipment. I've even became frustrated a few times as life goes and squashed the project due to things such as major appliances breaking and such and she has brought me back and discouraged me from giving up. (I've showed her d2mini's tank too :eek1:;) )

I'm finally at the end, everything and I mean everything is bought and paid for.
I'm currently wrapping the stand in oak and then plumbing and should have the tank in place and water testing within the next 14 days or so. :celeb1: :celeb3::celeb2:
 
NastyZ said:
When I was first setting up my tank my wife loved the idea of a tank and actually pushed me to get one but soon realized that it was taking a lot if my free time I would spend countless hours reading and tinkering she expensed her concern and i realized that I was spending to much time on my tank but as my tank became more mature and things became more automated (controllers and ATO) my tink time went down and now I can actually enjoy my tank and look at it with wanting to change something more importantly spending time with my wife and kids couple of thing I did is alway include my wife in decisions: pick a fish, pick a coral, do you like this color combo ect and I got my kids involved with water changes mostly letting them hole the hose, fill my ATO and feeding the fish my wife loves the tank she alway showing it off and posting pics of it so it worked out you have to look at from her point of view how would you like it all she did was stay in the bathroom all night and do her hair and you only saw for an hour or so you wouldn't like it would you
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My girlfriend has gotten better over the past year. It started out with a lot of complaining. I started doing the same thing with the fish and corals. I let her pick some fish and corals now. She wanted a mandarin goby so she got one. She wanted a sea hare (d*mnit) so she got one. It wrecked my tank but she loved it. It didn't live long. Yeah, I need to split my time better. Pay her more attention and less to the tank.
 
scott3569 said:
Well, I am not sure my input is much good here because one I don't have my tank up, and two I don't have anyone else in my life..

That being said..If I did, I would maybe try to include them in the things that I did with my tank..Maybe they are not interested, but they seemed to be interested in having one..so why not include them in what needs to be done and learn together
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Agreed.
 
Wow. Lots of responses. Awesome.

I also get frustrated at my girlfriend because of her complaining, but I need to spend more time with her and less on the tank. I will say that since I got her more involved, she has been a bit better. That's how we came up with the 8 o'clock thing. It was her idea actually.
 
Vinny Kreyling said:
Before I got my 220 she said "save your money".
After it was delivered she said " If I had known it was that big you never would have gotten it".
When we moved there was a spot for a 300 gallon Deep Dimension in the drawings.
I reconsidered because of the space it took up & a 250 sits there now.
I once said- "I could always go to the bars & look for women instead".
No Complaints since.
Click to expand...

Nice.
 
justinr2k said:
How many of you guys/gals have a significant other who complains about your tank/reef hobby?

My girlfriend used to complain constantly about how much time and money I spend on my tanks. Nowadays she just mentions it here and there. Mostly when I finally sit down at 9pm to spend some time with her. It's not always 9pm. But I barely ever make it done with whatever I'm doing by 8pm. I get off work at 5 and am home by 5:15 or so, then it's tank time. I'm either cleaning, rearranging, changing water, testing water, feeding, fixing, or misc other things. It's like I have to have a project. Last weekend I ran pipes in the attic from laundry room to behind tank to somewhat automate water changes.

It's always one little thing I need to do. Then it's another and another. Or sometimes the little thing turns out to be a big thing. But I can honestly say that I love it. It's my favorite thing to do. My girlfriend just doesn't seem to like me spending so much time on it. Or should I say more time on it than on her. We finally came to the agreement that I be done by 8pm every night. She realized I was going to do something to my tank every evening so the compromise was that she gets 8-bedtime. Most of the time I'm done by 8 and we go to bed between 11-12. It's a great and fun hobby for most of us. It just takes up a lot of our time.

Just figured others out there had similar issues.
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That's good you and her made a compromise. When I first got married my wife would start cleaning, stomping around the house and being all ****y when I would watch football and drink a few beers on Sunday. It took someone else to tell her that that was my time to do what I wanted and she had to deal with it and finding something else to do. After that she understood it was just something I do period.

My wife like I have a hobby and brags about the tank to people when they see it. Basically that's all anyone talks about when they step in the house. My wife complains not matter what, either I spend too much time/money on it or she will say something like I'm neglecting it if it looks a little dirty.
 
My old tank was always referred to as my mistress. I heard quite a bit about the time and money spent on it. When I wasn't working on the tanks I was on the computer "researching" lol. Plus back then we didn't have a whole lot of disposable income, so tank purchases always caused tension. A couple times I "forgot" about a bill to buy something and that sent her through the roof. When I got out of the hobby she was happy for a little bit until my new hobby far eclipsed the tank. (gigging for a few years as a guitarist in a progressive metal band)

Now that I've gotten back in to the hobby(and the band breaking up), I'm not so obsessed with it and she actually said she missed having a tank in the house. The only thing I hear about is the increased electric bill and once in a while that I need to clean the glass. The electric bill going up is working to my advantage though because I want to drop some coin on leds and since they are far more efficient than my ancient vhos she's good with it. She did mention I should sell one of my guitars to fund it.... haha... never...\m/
 
I'm the girl in this situation and my fiance helps me with expenses for the 40b, which I set up and maintain, so that's nice. I also have a 55 freshwater, but he doesn't even care about that tank :P He never helped me with buying fish/plants/equipment for my 55 (well, I never asked!), but he has bought corals and equipment for the reef. He's gotten to the point where he can tell which fish is which, and that's a start. He even goes to all the reef stores and coral swaps with me and helps me pick things out.

He doesn't care what I spend my $$ on, and vice versa. We have separate accounts and both indulge in our hobbies...I mean, I fiddle around with the tanks while he plays Titanfall. Win-win right there.

Why be with someone who makes you feel guilty for having a hobby you enjoy?
 
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mandarin_goby said:
I'm the girl in this situation and my fiance helps me with expenses for the 40b, which I set up and maintain, so that's nice. I also have a 55 freshwater, but he doesn't even care about that tank :P He never helped me with buying fish/plants/equipment for my 55 (well, I never asked!), but he has bought corals and equipment for the reef. He's gotten to the point where he can tell which fish is which, and that's a start. He even goes to all the reef stores and coral swaps with me and helps me pick things out.

He doesn't care what I spend my $$ on, and vice versa. We have separate accounts and both indulge in our hobbies...I mean, I fiddle around with the tanks while he plays Titanfall. Win-win right there.

Why be with someone who makes you feel guilty for having a hobby you enjoy?
Click to expand...

That's cool that you guys have it worked out. One of my issues is that my girlfriend doesn't really have a hobby. She has TV shows that she watches on certain nights. During those times she likes for me to do what I need to do with the tanks. I think it's because I'll talk to her and interrupt her shows. Lol

She doesn't make me feel guilty about the hobby. She makes me feel guilty for spending too much time on it. Which in her defense is understandable. Like I said, she's gotten better over the past year. She will occasionally blow up over something else and throw the tank in my face. Once I was so mad that I told her if she helped me I would go break down the tank. She immediately backed down and told me no because she knows how much I like it. Thankfully she didn't call my bluff. :)
 
reefermike1 said:
My old tank was always referred to as my mistress. I heard quite a bit about the time and money spent on it. When I wasn't working on the tanks I was on the computer "researching" lol. Plus back then we didn't have a whole lot of disposable income, so tank purchases always caused tension. A couple times I "forgot" about a bill to buy something and that sent her through the roof. When I got out of the hobby she was happy for a little bit until my new hobby far eclipsed the tank. (gigging for a few years as a guitarist in a progressive metal band)

Now that I've gotten back in to the hobby(and the band breaking up), I'm not so obsessed with it and she actually said she missed having a tank in the house. The only thing I hear about is the increased electric bill and once in a while that I need to clean the glass. The electric bill going up is working to my advantage though because I want to drop some coin on leds and since they are far more efficient than my ancient vhos she's good with it. She did mention I should sell one of my guitars to fund it.... haha... never...\m/
Click to expand...

Yep. I used to hear that quite often. "You spend more time with that stupid tank than you do with me."

Now only when we are fighting.

Ha. You have two expensive hobbies.
 
Luckily, I started off with a freshwater tank with a huge teugelsi Birchir which was kind of snakelike and my girlfriend would barely go in the same room the tank was in. While the reef still gets complained about from time to time it is the lesser of 2 evils. Start out with something that'll go over horribly then get something less offensive.
 
Most of the girls Ive been with either got sucked in or was already in the hobby.

Luckily, I dont have one now so no complaining. Its kinda nice especially since Im getting back in.
 
johnike said:
My wife said it's me or the tank.



I don't miss her a bit.
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Hahaha.. This is too good.

Seriously thou, if some of you are spending 3 hrs a day on your tank that is a bit obsessive. $1000 a month is just over the top & my wife would be serving me papers :smokin:
 
My husband never complains about the tank.
He likes the tank and he spends way more time and money on his hobby. :lmao:
 
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