well, if there was any clam to pick to put under that amount of lighting.....that was the wrong one.

Based off of what you said and the looks of the shell type, youve got a crocea clam. Those croceas (along with the maximas) need the highest intensity of light of all the clams we see in the trade. And from my experiences with clams, (have 3 thus far including a crocea), you have no where near the minimum light requirements for that clam.
On a 75 gallon tank, I would recommend a minimum 2x 150W HQI (double ended) metal halide fixture. But, since your wife is bothered by them, That is out of the option which is ok.
My own personal opinion would be to try doubling or tripling of the higher intensity bulbs. I dont know anything about t5's or VHO's but you gotta get more light on that guy. How about some nice individual reflectors for each bulb? That is a very simple way to increase the light concentration/increase of PAR.
Otherwise, if you cant significantly increase the amount of light over that guy, I would suggest selling him to a local reefer who can or trade it out for a lower light clam. Something like a derasa or squamosa.
As for the removing him from the rock. You must be VERY careful about how you move him. When they attach themselves firmly to a rock, the abysal gland makes attachment strings that goes straight up into their innards and any sharp movement could cause irreparable damage. Try to slowly tilt him left, right, back and forward to see if you can spot where the attachment string is. If your wife is able to help you, have her try and shine a flashlight so you can see better.
When you first start to move the clam, its going to feel you tugging on its gland and will retract everything it can into its shell. After this has happened, you will be able to see a small strand that looks like thinned out floss. You want to cut that strand with a razor blade or a modeling knife/scalpel (preferably - you can keep your dexterity with a scalpel) and then place the clam on something like a frag plug. Here is my crocea and here are the best pictures I could get of the strands.
Put him on a frag plug like this.
With strands outlined.
Without outlines.
Again, with the strands outlined.
Again without the strands outlined.
As you can see there are multiple strands that have attached to the frag plug. Thankfully because of the shape of the plug, the clam can only attach himself to a horizontal base. This makes it easy for me to remove him if I need too. Just because the clam is able to attach himself to something doesnt mean it will keep the clam in place. The strands actually attached to individual pieces of sand in addition to the frag plug....... so it just goes to show you how versatile the strand attachment can be. Im going to put this in the clam forums.....hopefully it will get a sticky. Everyone always wants to know what these things look like.
Any more questions?