So I decided to give the Noopsyche K7 Pro III lights a try. I hand-waved away the mounting issue, assuming I would figure something out. I currently have one temporarily mounted and I have to say, I am REALLY pleased with the light output (visually, I haven't measured anything) and appearance.
For a more permanent mount, I am going to glue 0.5-1" acrylic lips to the back of the tank. The ones on the side will be 12" long which will allow me to move the lights around a bit to see if I need a 3rd for even coverage. I currently have no corals and I have no plans to put high-light corals down on the sand bed so I'm not too worried about PAR down there, at least not for now. Certainly, a third light would probably be ideal but I want to see how good I can get it with two first.
For anyone on the fence about these lights, they clearly cut their costs in the programmability and connectivity areas. You can use them in LAN mode supposedly, but only 2.4GHz WiFi, and it can't handle merged SSID if you have both 2.4 and 5 GHz. I set up my router's guest account for a separate SSID and 2.4 GHz and still couldn't get it to work. I gave that up and went to Access Point mode, and that is working fine. It's a bit more of a pain, you have to set your phone to use the SSID of the light, and then you can control it. But really that's fine, I'm not going to be tweaking them all the time. As for longevity...only time will tell. Fingers crossed they last a good long time, because I'm really pleased so far!