Dumb things you've overheard customers say at the LFS

Funny, funny thread!

It's turned into a nice little case study...not of just LFS/customer foibles, but of human nature in general. We are smart monkeys, but monkeys nevertheless! and monkeys are funny.

zfunk007: which store in WPB? I was there in Jan. and visited a couple nice ones. I talked with the boss in one, he'd just started a LR farming project in the ocean after getting all the permits. Very interesting!
 
JohnHenry said:
...but of human nature in general. We are smart monkeys, but monkeys nevertheless! and monkeys are funny.

have you heard that comedian talking about humans as monkeys and stuff? i forget where i found it, but its floating around the net.. its some crazy theory, so to speak.. while being funny.
 
I've worked at a fish store for 3 years, and I am continually floored by the things people say. Now, I will agree with what some people have said in this forum, you aren't taught this in school, no one INNATELY knows how to care for fish. I am not talking about having to explain the importance of calcium, or why nitrites or ammonia are bad. I am referring to things that, even outside a fish store, would amaze you.

Customer: Can I buy these fish?
Me: No, not for your current tank, these are salt water fish.
Customer: What do you mean saltwater?
Me: ...Like the ocean.
Customer: (blank stare)

Customer: What kind of fish is that?
Me: (insert random fish name)
Customer: Can I eat it?

Customer: My tank is a total mess, whats a good way to clean it?
Me: Well, cuts your lights back, scrub the glass, watch your feeding (ect ect ect).
Customer: Can't I just put bleach in the tank? That won't bother the fish, right?
Me: Um, I am pretty much certain the fish will die from that.
Customer: Nah, they will be fine, I'll just use a few caps.

A customer informs me that he is going to be breaking down his saltwater tank that he has had for several years, and would like to bring the fish in for a store credit. I tell him fine. He returns with the 2 fish which he has had in his tank for the duration of its existence: I large gold stripe maroon clown fish and one yellow tank. The yellow tank does not have any fins. He is a body and a tail, his anal and dorsal fin being maybe one or two "spikes".
Me: I am sorry sir, I cannot write you a credit on this yellow tang, he is absolutely destroyed.
Customer: What are you talking about? He is fine.
Me: He doesn't have any fins, I don't even know how he swims. Has the clown fish been picking on him?
Customer: The clown fish and him play all the time, the yellow tang has looked like that as long as I have had him.

The list just goes on and on and on and on.....The Finding Nemo thing doesn't bother me TOO much, but yeah, it gets pretty old. Its kinda cool seeing little kids come in, and get excited, but hearing out of adults gets pretty annoying.
 
I was cleaning a 55g reef tank which has two clowns in it at the store I work at. The man asked me: Are clownfish saltwater?
Me:Yes
Man:Can they live in freshwater?
Me:No
Man:Is there any fish that look like clownfish that can live in freshwater?
Me: No, none that I can think of.
Man:Then how much will it cost for a saltwater tank?

It bugs me the most when people ask how much it will cost them. People just don't understand how many options there are..
 
Yea, I always know I am in a bad sale when someone walks up to a tank, then scans the prices written on the tank and says, "which ones are the 99 cent ones". They don't care what the fish is, its just cheap, and they even say themselves, they don't care if it dies. These same people then get angry when the fish flakes costs 2.99 and ask if there is anything cheaper. I guess my philosophy is that keeping fish is a hobby, and if you aren't willing to do (even the most basic) what it takes to care for them, then why do it? People come in all the time and just act like they HAVE to own fish, and they just throw money at it.
 
Alrighty, fellow reefers, from my treasure trove of funny/weird/crazy customer stories from working in an LFS in Atlanta, GA, I present...

The War on Drugs!
Alright, so, this one kid had been coming in since before I worked at the LFS. He was one of those rich kids you see on My Super Sweet Sixteen who are handed everything their entire lives without question. I hated this kid. He was such a jerk, and he would bust my metaphorical balls (since I'm a lady) all the time. Well, one day, I got sent back there from having a conversation with a SWAT officer who often stopped by our shop so I could deal with this annoying kid. He procedes to pester me about me giving him a hypodermic syringe. After a twenty minute argument, it boils down to this....

Me: I've been nice, I've been mean, I've been downright rude. Now, I'm going to be honest.
Kid: But you're not going to give me one?
Me: No, I'm going to give you an education. A hypodermic syringe is, oh-my-god, paraphenalia.
Kid: So? I don't do drugs.
Me: I don't know that, my boss doesn't know that, the local PD doesn't know that.
Kid: But no one will find out.
Me: Look, I don't care. I'm not getting arrested because your rich butt is too cheap to take your own risks about needles. If you really want to kill your aiptasia so much, there's a drug clinic downtown where you can get new needles, no questions asked. I'm done risking my job for you, I'm done haggling prices with you. You have money, I'm poor and need my job, so stop dicking around with it...
Kid: You can't talk to me that way. I'm going to get you fired.
Me: Go ahead and try. You can go right up to the manager at the front desk and chat with her, but you might want to take a look around. Kid, right now, there's a nice gentleman up front who works for our local SWAT. See him up there in the black tactical vest with the gun? I'd think very carefully about how you're going to work this before speaking with him about how I wouldn't give you your needles. Good luck, and good bye.

Random Snippets
"Is there a fish you don't have to feed?"

"Won't my betta just eat the plant?"

"The plant cleans the tank (or bowl), right?"

"I've got diabetes and you're not going to give me four fish (*$20 a piece clown loaches at the size he wanted) in exchange for my four fish that I'm trading in (*four $5 bala sharks)."

"I've been keeping African cichlids with my south americans for years, and they're all doing really well and happy- so you can stop lecturing me about how I shouldn't keep them together........ But, wow, your Africans have such pretty colors.... *frowns* they must be hormone treated."

(sidenote for s/w only people- Africans show their best colors when given basically the OPPOSITE care of South Ams, including a high pH and a low protein diet!)

And, my personal fav, the goldfish trick!
Okay, so, to preface this, when I first started working at the LFS, one of my customers was this angry lady. She came in every week and was always ****ed off no matter how prompt, polite, sweet, nice, or any variation of excellent service I was for her. She would always buy 30 small goldfish and never say a nice word to me once. It actually took two months of sweet talking to find out she had aquatic turtles, and another three months after that for this gem...

Lady: Is there a warranty on these fish?
Me: Well, you're feeding them to turtles.... so... if they've been killed but not eaten.... no.
Lady: No, they're not getting killed. Before I feed them.
Me: Well, we do put quite a few in the bag. Are you going hme straight away?
Lady: Yes.
Me: Hrm. Perhaps I should split them into multiple bags if you have a long drive.
Lady: I live just down the road.
Me: So.... they're not dying in the bag... or with the turtle... *cringing*
Lady: No, you've been selling me sick fish.
Me: Huh?
Lady: I put them in another tank, but they all die in two or three days.
Me: Well, goldfish can be rather dirty fish, especially to put that many together. How big of a tank do you have, ma'am?
Lady: I've got a big tank for them.
Me: Er... yes, but how big?
Lady: Five gallons. That's PLENTY big enough.
Me: No, no. I'm sorry. That can't hold 30 goldfish.
Lady: I don't put all of them in. Just twenty.
Me: Look, that tank can't hold but 2 to 5 goldfish this size, and maybe for only 24-48 hours.
Lady: But I have a filter.
Me: *sigh* what size?
Lady: Well, it's one of those pumps with a stone on the end.
Me: Thats...
Lady: Look, I don't care about all this. I just want to know if you're going to refund my money for all these sick, crappy fish you keep selling me.



.... one of these days, I'll get around to posting about the dead koi and the dead shark (two, massive dead things in one week!)
 
This thread is great... I'm always on the receiving end of stupid-customer questions in my job, but I was *Definitely* the moron in the LFS today (In my defense, I had just spent 12 hours at work on a Saturday...).

They're really good about labeling the fish in all their tanks, so I try not to play the "oooh, what's this one called??" game with them, but in a tank that had just one label on it I saw a beautiful yellow fish I had never seen before. I asked the guy "oh wow, what is this?" then quickly scanned the single label and said "oh, duh, is it the starfish?" I told him that I obviously drank the stupid juice this morning, turned bright red and left with my zoas and peppermint shrimp.
 
Just a note to all you LFS emplyees- here's what I tell my boss about our stupid customers - and we have a lot of them!
"I just try to help 'em, I can't make 'em smart."
LMAO!
 
I work in a pet store and the owner is the dumber then any customer we have ever had.

On our show tank, which looks terrible, he has had a UV sterilizer on it for 3 years without ever changing the bulb. He finally changed it the other day, but the return tube is full of algae so it's not doing much good.

We also have a regular that regardless of what we say, continues to try and keep a coral beauty and TWO blue tangs in a 29g. Apparently she just loves replacing $60+ fish
 
I own a LFS, here's a common one
Kid- Hey mom its nemo
Lady- Oh look my kid is so smart, she knows whata nemo fish is
really smart lady, I'd be impressed if you knew it was a clownfish, last time I checked "nemo fish" wasn't a real fish.
Then my favorite is adults who think its Memo? Maybe the first kid was smart
 
My worst experience was actually with a Petco employee who knew nothing of fish or their products when I sadly decided to purchase a bottle of Amquel there, because of convienience. I went to use it about a week later when I was doing a water change when I opened it an it smelled terrible (usually has a neutral soapy smell). I have been using Amquel for a few years and knew this was NOT the right smell, something was wrong with it. I decided to exchange it for a new bottle. I got the new bottle and stupidly did not open it in the store to smell it. A few days later same thing, bad smell. I decided to go to my usually LFS and talk to them about the Amquel. They said, "No it should not smell like that." I also went to about two other fish stores where they gave me the same answer. I being miss know it all decided to buy a another bottle at my LFS and take the two over to Petco. I walk in and see the girl who did my exchange the few days before. She looked about high school aged and had dark hair with lot of black make up on. She had these terrible black aryclic nails on, who am I to judge though. I kindly explain to the petco emplyee my problem....

Me "Hi I am sorry but I wanted to know if I could return this bottle, this is my second time buying this product here and I know there is something wrong with this."

Petco girl-"No there is NOTHING wrong with out products."

Me- " But I have used this for a long time, it smells really bad and maybe you guys just have old product on .......

PG-"WE DO NOT HAVE OLD PRODUCTS! I stocked the shelves today."

Me-"Well there is something wrong with this one and the other one I exchanged, maybe you guys got a bad shipment. I wouldn't want anyone else putting this in their tanks. I have hundreds and dollars of fishand corals. I would like to return it."

PG-"No."

Me-" Well this smells like it has gone bad..."

PG-"No, this smells like dead fish."(Tapping her long black acrlyic nail on the cap)

Me-"Are you accusing me of putting a dead fish in there?"

PG-*Stares me down and taps the lid again*

Me-" I would like to return this."

PG-"No."

Me-"I want to speak to your manager."

PG-*Rolls her eyes and walks away.*

Five minutes later the manager comes out. Pretty much a college guy with a "manager" tag on. I explain to him the situation. He appologized and returned the product and I left, but I felt like some action needed to be done....I left there feeling crushed. Anyways it's sad to see people uneducated to the point where they think people are doing them wrong. I really was looking out for Petco, hoping that no one was using this bad Amquel and possibly killing their tanks.
 
Well im got a amazing one for you all !!!! ok check it im good friends with one of the lfs around me so i was hanging out in there one day and what to ya know the phone rang and on the other line was a newb obviously from the following conversation:

phone: ok i think i did something very wrong
lfs: why whats wrong what happened?
phone: well i think I burnt my sand!
Lfs: what do you mean you burnt your sand?
Phone: the sand its all brown it looks like my light burnt my sand what should i do?
lfs: its ok its only algae do a water change it will help goodbye


Now just keep in mind right after the guy said it looks liek i burnt mys and tehe lfs owner had to stop himself from laughign hsiterically on the phoen witht he guy on the other end so the answers were quicka nd as soon as he got off the phone the 2 of us were almost rollign on the ground laughing. man ive heard soemt hings in my day from other customers but man on ma thta took the cake ;)
 
O_O omg this is BAD!!! i cant belive this...

im reading this and saying "whats wrong with that. sounds like a normal question. i hear that one all the time"


two women comes in wanting a nemo in a bowl in teh same day
first one i explain it to and she understands and gets a betta instead
second one didnt understand.. and tried to get me fired because i refused.


after a while you your self start to talk dumber iv started saying beta instead of betta just so the customers understand ( no matter how often you expain it they still dont get it)

and we all have 'that guy' who comes in and asks billions of q's and argues with you for 20 minutes right before closing making you stay late and dosnt buy anything but food.

once we got a fish in and i didnt know what it was.
a guy asked me for a price so i told him id be right with him after i was done helping one ofther person ... i could tell he would be a problom. so the other customer being a regular that i usualy end up talking with for a while he tells me to go ahead and help him first.. i go to get a book to try and find the fish and
guy " whats taking so long "
me " im trying to find out what it is"
guy " i dont care i just want a price "
me " i need a name so i can look up the price"
good customer " oh thats a (forget what it was.so lets just say blank)
guy " thats not a blank"
gc " yeah it gets blablabla big"
guy " i swear it isnt a blank"
me " im still trying to find it in the books"
guy "( dont know what he said but it was obviusly rude and stuff)"
gc " thats a great example to set for your child ( who the guy had with him"
some yelling went back and forth
ended up telling the guy to leave the store when they both looked like they were about to beat the crap outa eachother. ( by this time a crowed formed at teh end of the store watching.. felt like high school lol)

i cant think of any others but.. im sure ill have one tommorrow
 
Place that I work at is Huge, has tons of freshwater and saltwater. people treat it sort of like a public aquarium and so you tend to get asked some uneducated questions. I always try to answer as cheerfully and enthusiastically as possible and let the customer decide how to continue.

c. So can I put these mollies with my oscars?
me. sure. but It is healthier to feed the oscar pellets.

c. fish only get as big as the tank their in right?
me. Fish all grow to their normal size, small tanks restrict the normal development of muscles in a fish. That can lead to their death. So unless you count death as a means of limiting their growth, then no.

c. I have a bunch of zoos and mushrooms and soft corals, will that angel, butterfly, tang, puffer be okay in my tank?
me. Sure. I bet he grows really fast with all that stuff to eat.

c. (As I just finished bagging up a cleaner shrimp) Ooh I like that one. (pointing at a small wrasse or dwarf angel) Would he do alright in my tank?
me. yes, but they can eat more than one shrimp per day, you might need to get more for it

And of course I always try to caution people against buying something that might not work out so well for them. Sometimes they listen, sometimes not. Its not my job to engage in an argument with a determined customer, so I have seen some bad combinations go home with potentially terrible results. Everyone reading this please understand the LFS is there to make money, but the employees do care about the animals, if we mention that something can cause a problem, we are not looking to argue with you about it. We are trying to warn you against making a bad decision. Its your money, spend it how you want. But understand that these are pets, just like your cat or dog and they can be intelligent. Please dont treat them like fancy jewelry for your home and ego.
 
<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=9729629#post9729629 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by Al G Blenny
Man this thread died two years ago. How did it find it's way to the surface again?

:) :)
 
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