Getting Significant Others to Understand....
- Thread starter Taqpol
- Start date
kcrush4989
New member
I have had my tank for over 4 years... not married at at time but living togeater and she hated it at that time but after takeing her all ove looking at aquaums and such she loves it now. over 70 pec of the stuff in the tank is hers. show her different things and let her get interested in it. put in something she like and let her watch it grow. it works trust me....
carlso63
Reefkeeping since 1977
Let me tell you a story...
Been married for 20 years; been reefkeeping just shy of 30 - so the wife knew what she was getting into when we got married... :lol:.. even so, up until very recently she just "tolerated" my hobby and it was always the 'excuse' she needed whenever she felt like complaining about ANYTHING:
Like, lack of attention / time spent together = "you got your hands in that tank again ???!!!"
Or, money = "maybe if you didn't buy that (insert hobby item here) we'd have the extra money..."
Or, housework = "I don't know why I even bother cleaning up around here - with all that nasty salt spray everywhere and that tank smells..."
You get the picture.
Anyway, a few months back a wise friend suggested I try to involve her more and maybe her attitude would change... I said, no way, it's been too many years, she'll never change.
Guess what? I took her to the LFS (practically had to force her into the car) to pick up some supplies for the 125; she walked in mumbling something under her breath about "how hot and damp it is in here; ewww! it smells...etc" until she went back and started looking at the corals...
After 10 minutes of "Ooohs"and "Aaahs" I played "good cop" and I let her pick out some "pretty" pink millipora and orange digitata and even a "cute" bubble coral....
Moral of the story?
This is my 1 - month old 225g setup... the one we got when the wife decided that the 125 "is just too small for all those beautiful pink and neon green and orange corals I want, so I think you should get a bigger tank, honey..."
She actually picked this one out herself and told me "don't worry, you deserve it..."
Been married for 20 years; been reefkeeping just shy of 30 - so the wife knew what she was getting into when we got married... :lol:.. even so, up until very recently she just "tolerated" my hobby and it was always the 'excuse' she needed whenever she felt like complaining about ANYTHING:
Like, lack of attention / time spent together = "you got your hands in that tank again ???!!!"
Or, money = "maybe if you didn't buy that (insert hobby item here) we'd have the extra money..."
Or, housework = "I don't know why I even bother cleaning up around here - with all that nasty salt spray everywhere and that tank smells..."
You get the picture.
Anyway, a few months back a wise friend suggested I try to involve her more and maybe her attitude would change... I said, no way, it's been too many years, she'll never change.
Guess what? I took her to the LFS (practically had to force her into the car) to pick up some supplies for the 125; she walked in mumbling something under her breath about "how hot and damp it is in here; ewww! it smells...etc" until she went back and started looking at the corals...
After 10 minutes of "Ooohs"and "Aaahs" I played "good cop" and I let her pick out some "pretty" pink millipora and orange digitata and even a "cute" bubble coral....
Moral of the story?
This is my 1 - month old 225g setup... the one we got when the wife decided that the 125 "is just too small for all those beautiful pink and neon green and orange corals I want, so I think you should get a bigger tank, honey..."
She actually picked this one out herself and told me "don't worry, you deserve it..."
Linina
Premium Member
Very good advice so far on the thread. Here's my two cents spoken as a 34-next-month year old (female).
I cannot imagine what life would be like had I actually married my high school sweetheart. I married a guy that I dated in college off and on. I thought that getting married is just 'what you do' and the guy was a super nice guy and my mom LOVED him. Long after our divorce I realized that perhaps there was a good reason we couldn't happily stay together in college (one of those, off again, on again, relationships).
Here's where my .02 kicks in, just an opinion but :
1. 21 is WAY too young to think about marraige. 25+ IMO.
2. if you have conflict already, it's only going to get worse.
3. if there's the slightest doubt about your pairing, really, there's other 'fish in the sea'. I found the perfect mate for me and I haven't had a second thought at all about it, 7 years now). PS he loves the tank and/or anything that makes me happy.
I cannot imagine what life would be like had I actually married my high school sweetheart. I married a guy that I dated in college off and on. I thought that getting married is just 'what you do' and the guy was a super nice guy and my mom LOVED him. Long after our divorce I realized that perhaps there was a good reason we couldn't happily stay together in college (one of those, off again, on again, relationships).
Here's where my .02 kicks in, just an opinion but :
1. 21 is WAY too young to think about marraige. 25+ IMO.
2. if you have conflict already, it's only going to get worse.
3. if there's the slightest doubt about your pairing, really, there's other 'fish in the sea'. I found the perfect mate for me and I haven't had a second thought at all about it, 7 years now). PS he loves the tank and/or anything that makes me happy.
My boyfriend/live-in of approx 4 1/2 years brought home his 75 gal from his office to let me take care of it. I had a 29 at my other house and loved it. Totally enjoy taking care of both the 29 and 75. He does'nt get to involved but he supports me in every way. He will actually suggest that I go and purchase something for my(our) tanks. The only thing I can say to him is "You don't have to ask me twice!"
InsaneClownFish
New member
If that were only true.
My advice....trade her in for some frags
I'm lucky. When we were house hunting I said to my fiance, "How would you feel if I slapped a 300g tank right in the middle of the living room?"
Her response, "I luv it, I think that's the greatest idea ever." "Actually I think it would be really cool to have a tank in every room of the house, and it would be educational for the kids."
"I love you" flows alot from my lips...:love1:
Sufficed to say, I'm getting a whole room dedicated to the tank in the new house.
