Hello, Geezer coming back to this forum. Paul B
- Thread starter Paul B
- Start date
Paul B
Premium Member
This happened 3 years ago so i just added my new experiences at the end.
So yesterday I had my left shoulder replaced (I may make a lot of typos) I have to wear that sling that keeps my arm a few inches away from my body 24/7 even sleeping with it. I love that hospital and wish I could rent a weekend there.
I have no pain at all and am thinking of hitting it with a hammer to make sure he actually replaced it. He said I have so much arthritis in there that he couldn't fix it if he wanted to and my rotator cuff is shredded and must be in my neck somewhere, so he doesn't have to use it
The surgery was a piece of cake. As a matter of fact, 15 minutes into the operation I had a dream. At least I hope it was a dream. There was a big cake on my stomach and all the people in the operating room were singing Happy Birthday to the Rastafarian anesthesiologist as he was blowing out the candles with my oxygen tube.
The hospital is great but like most hospitals, you can't get any sleep. First of all because of something with the anesthesia, I had to pee all night every 15 minutes like clockwork. So to take me to the bathroom they had to disconnect the two IV bags they have going into my hand, (one of the bags was filled with natural seawater (I could tell because It had live amphipods in it) and the other was an antibiotic with Prizapro) Then unhook the tubes on my legs that inflate around my legs every 8 seconds one at a time. The motor that does that goes WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. So I asked for the pee container.
If a bubble goes through the tube to your hand it also has an alarm that just goes BEEP..BEEP...BEEP constantly.
When I decided to try to go to sleep at 2:00am I turned on the TV and was watching "The Greatest Storm" where George Clooney was the Capt. of a Sword fishing boat and was in a huge storm.
My bed had an alarm on it so when I got out of bed to either fall on the floor or jump out the window that goes BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep etc until I got back into bed.
If anyone on the floor pushes the emergency button for anything like they want a toothpick, pain killer or cat food the thing would ring outside my door. It would continuously go. Ding, ding, ding.........Ding, ding, ding.......Etc.
The nurses constantly take your temperature and blood pressure. The blood pressure machine goes brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr etc.
So last night went something like this. In the movie George Clooney is being thrown all around the boat as my legs are being inflated one at a time so I keep hearing: WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. As that is going on I hear blaring:
Doctor Kildare please come to the nurses station Stat.
Then my hips raise, WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH. My left leg inflates, WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. and I hear Ding,ding,ding. George Clooney is being thrown against the port side of the boat.
"DOCTOR KILDARE PLEASE COME TO THE NURSES STATION ". Ding, ding, ding.
Beep, Beep, Beep, My right leg raises WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
The bed also has inflators that randomly raise your head, hips and shoulders and the blower that makes that work sounds something like the inflator for the legs but it has a few less double you's and Hs.
Then my hips raise, WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH. My left leg inflates, WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. and I hear Ding,ding,ding. George Clooney is being thrown against the port side of the boat. "DOCTOR KILDARE PLEASE COME TO THE NURSES STATION ". Ding, ding, ding.
Beep, Beep, Beep, My right leg raises WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
The nurse comes in as a huge wave washes Clooney onto the starboard side of the boat
Nurse says: "My Christmas Birthday Baby Baldassano, I need to take your vitals". My left leg raises.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. ding,,ding,,ding
Open your mouth and stick out your arm for your pressure. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. I can tell she used the wrong thermometer by the taste
I got to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep
"KILLDARE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" The nurse gets called away, probably to look for Killdare and the pressure machine is still going up
brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. The pressure is going up over 120 psi and it isn't stopping. My arm looks like a strand of linguini and wax is starting to shoot out of my ears right into my Jello.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. Ding, Ding, ding....Ding Ding, Ding. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. My head raises WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Clooney gets impaled on the steering wheel...... "Kildare you Quack....Your Fired" I have to pee so I stand up because gravity helps.
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep so I have to be fast. My right leg inflates as my hips raise
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH .... WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Beep ,,Beep Beep.
Clooney gets washed off the boat into the sea only to be torn apart by school of designer clownfish. Blood pressure machine is still going
brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr And the nurse is no where to be found. I have to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep
My left leg raises.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
I got to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep Ding,,Ding "HELP,,HELP, I have fallen and I can't get up".
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. Ding, Ding, ding....Ding Ding, Ding. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. My head raises WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
I have to pee.
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep so I have to be fast. My right leg inflates as my hips raise
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH .... WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Beep ,,Beep Beep.
Then about 8:00am breakfast comes. You can't make this stuff up.
That was 3 years ago and this week i had my right shoulder replaced so the story was almost the same except for a couple of things that i will explain.
(no capitals or much punctuation because i have to type using only one finger on my left hand)
i get to the hospital at 5:30 am and they get me ready for the surgery.
View attachment 156367
I am naked except for this Tommy Hilfiger outfit with a matching hat. they wheel me up to my room and introduce me to these girl scouts.
they were actually nurses but about the same age as my granddaughter
After a while, I have to pee, so these two 12-year-old nurses come in to disconnect my leg pumps and 2 IVs. They walk me into the bathroom and lift my gown up to my armpits. (not to embarassing) Now I have to pee in a cup because they want to measure it.
This goes on for a few hours because the two IVs are constantly filling you with saline solution, which is seawater.
Then I have the surgery, and I assume that went well.
About an hour after I wake up, I hear this blood-curdling scream. GET THE H-LL AWAY FROM ME. DON'T TOUCH ME. GET AWAY. I HATE YOU. DON'T COME TO VISIT ME ANY MORE, etc. This screaming went on for 6 hours, and they had to restrain this woman, who was throwing things at the staff and hitting them.
About 2 hours after this starts, the claxon horns start blasting the loudest noise I have heard since Vietnam. Bright lights start flashing, and I hear sirens. The old woman is still screaming, and firemen come running through the halls carrying axes. i thought they were there to help quiet the woman.
They closed my door, and I figured some radical group was rioting in the hallway, but I think someone was smoking in the bathroom and set off the alarm.
Anyway, that was some of my new hospital stay. i will finish when i could type better.
So yesterday I had my left shoulder replaced (I may make a lot of typos) I have to wear that sling that keeps my arm a few inches away from my body 24/7 even sleeping with it. I love that hospital and wish I could rent a weekend there.
I have no pain at all and am thinking of hitting it with a hammer to make sure he actually replaced it. He said I have so much arthritis in there that he couldn't fix it if he wanted to and my rotator cuff is shredded and must be in my neck somewhere, so he doesn't have to use it
The surgery was a piece of cake. As a matter of fact, 15 minutes into the operation I had a dream. At least I hope it was a dream. There was a big cake on my stomach and all the people in the operating room were singing Happy Birthday to the Rastafarian anesthesiologist as he was blowing out the candles with my oxygen tube.
The hospital is great but like most hospitals, you can't get any sleep. First of all because of something with the anesthesia, I had to pee all night every 15 minutes like clockwork. So to take me to the bathroom they had to disconnect the two IV bags they have going into my hand, (one of the bags was filled with natural seawater (I could tell because It had live amphipods in it) and the other was an antibiotic with Prizapro) Then unhook the tubes on my legs that inflate around my legs every 8 seconds one at a time. The motor that does that goes WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. So I asked for the pee container.
If a bubble goes through the tube to your hand it also has an alarm that just goes BEEP..BEEP...BEEP constantly.
When I decided to try to go to sleep at 2:00am I turned on the TV and was watching "The Greatest Storm" where George Clooney was the Capt. of a Sword fishing boat and was in a huge storm.
My bed had an alarm on it so when I got out of bed to either fall on the floor or jump out the window that goes BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep etc until I got back into bed.
If anyone on the floor pushes the emergency button for anything like they want a toothpick, pain killer or cat food the thing would ring outside my door. It would continuously go. Ding, ding, ding.........Ding, ding, ding.......Etc.
The nurses constantly take your temperature and blood pressure. The blood pressure machine goes brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr etc.
So last night went something like this. In the movie George Clooney is being thrown all around the boat as my legs are being inflated one at a time so I keep hearing: WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. As that is going on I hear blaring:
Doctor Kildare please come to the nurses station Stat.
Then my hips raise, WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH. My left leg inflates, WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. and I hear Ding,ding,ding. George Clooney is being thrown against the port side of the boat.
"DOCTOR KILDARE PLEASE COME TO THE NURSES STATION ". Ding, ding, ding.
Beep, Beep, Beep, My right leg raises WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
The bed also has inflators that randomly raise your head, hips and shoulders and the blower that makes that work sounds something like the inflator for the legs but it has a few less double you's and Hs.
Then my hips raise, WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH. My left leg inflates, WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. and I hear Ding,ding,ding. George Clooney is being thrown against the port side of the boat. "DOCTOR KILDARE PLEASE COME TO THE NURSES STATION ". Ding, ding, ding.
Beep, Beep, Beep, My right leg raises WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
The nurse comes in as a huge wave washes Clooney onto the starboard side of the boat
Nurse says: "My Christmas Birthday Baby Baldassano, I need to take your vitals". My left leg raises.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. ding,,ding,,ding
Open your mouth and stick out your arm for your pressure. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. I can tell she used the wrong thermometer by the taste
I got to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep
"KILLDARE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" The nurse gets called away, probably to look for Killdare and the pressure machine is still going up
brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. The pressure is going up over 120 psi and it isn't stopping. My arm looks like a strand of linguini and wax is starting to shoot out of my ears right into my Jello.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. Ding, Ding, ding....Ding Ding, Ding. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. My head raises WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Clooney gets impaled on the steering wheel...... "Kildare you Quack....Your Fired" I have to pee so I stand up because gravity helps.
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep so I have to be fast. My right leg inflates as my hips raise
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH .... WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Beep ,,Beep Beep.
Clooney gets washed off the boat into the sea only to be torn apart by school of designer clownfish. Blood pressure machine is still going
brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr And the nurse is no where to be found. I have to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep
My left leg raises.
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH.
I got to pee. BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep Ding,,Ding "HELP,,HELP, I have fallen and I can't get up".
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH. Ding, Ding, ding....Ding Ding, Ding. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr,brbrbrbrbrbrbrbr. My head raises WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
I have to pee.
BBBBBBBBBbbbbbeep-BBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbeep so I have to be fast. My right leg inflates as my hips raise
WWWWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH...WWWWOOOOSSSHHHHH .... WWOOOOOSSSSHHH...WWOOOOSSSHH.
Beep ,,Beep Beep.
Then about 8:00am breakfast comes. You can't make this stuff up.
That was 3 years ago and this week i had my right shoulder replaced so the story was almost the same except for a couple of things that i will explain.
(no capitals or much punctuation because i have to type using only one finger on my left hand)
i get to the hospital at 5:30 am and they get me ready for the surgery.
View attachment 156367
I am naked except for this Tommy Hilfiger outfit with a matching hat. they wheel me up to my room and introduce me to these girl scouts.
they were actually nurses but about the same age as my granddaughter
After a while, I have to pee, so these two 12-year-old nurses come in to disconnect my leg pumps and 2 IVs. They walk me into the bathroom and lift my gown up to my armpits. (not to embarassing) Now I have to pee in a cup because they want to measure it.
This goes on for a few hours because the two IVs are constantly filling you with saline solution, which is seawater.
Then I have the surgery, and I assume that went well.
About an hour after I wake up, I hear this blood-curdling scream. GET THE H-LL AWAY FROM ME. DON'T TOUCH ME. GET AWAY. I HATE YOU. DON'T COME TO VISIT ME ANY MORE, etc. This screaming went on for 6 hours, and they had to restrain this woman, who was throwing things at the staff and hitting them.
About 2 hours after this starts, the claxon horns start blasting the loudest noise I have heard since Vietnam. Bright lights start flashing, and I hear sirens. The old woman is still screaming, and firemen come running through the halls carrying axes. i thought they were there to help quiet the woman.
They closed my door, and I figured some radical group was rioting in the hallway, but I think someone was smoking in the bathroom and set off the alarm.
Anyway, that was some of my new hospital stay. i will finish when i could type better.
