Hi there, I know I am a newbie, but here's my $.02...
I just went through this very thing. I had mine set up basically the same as your diagram only my refugium is a separate 10g tank that is higher than my 15g sump. I had it plumbed with a tee on the overflow and a ball valve to control the refugium's flow. The refugium gravity feeds into the sump.
I was reading some of Anthony Calfo's comments on the matter, and he says that you generally should not put water directly from the overflow into the refugium, but rather water that is already "skimmed". After looking at it for a bit, mine is now plumbed more like your second diagram.
If you remove the tee from the overflow, and keep the tee on the return, you can accomplish everything you want. You will feed the refugium from the return pump, using "skimmed" water, and will not be putting nutrient-rich (unskimmed) water into your refugium.
If you still have too much pump and are flowing more water through the sump/fuge (my problem), then you can either go with a smaller pump, or you can tee it (3-way tee?) and pump it back into the RETURN area (not the fuge).
HTH
David