mojo needed, divorce.

block head

block head

New member
After almost 20 yrs, the wife wants a divorce. I'm completely at a loss. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. 2 weeks into this, and i don't have a clear direction to follow. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Rochester area, and lower cost would be a major plus. We don't currently attend church, but i certainly would not be opposed. We're currently in the brockport area if that helps.
 
sorry to hear this

sorry to hear this

It's difficult for sure- especially in the beginning, but things usually get better.
Hang in there, buddy.
 
Absolutely sorry to hear this. :( I think church would be a great idea. Understanding Christ can help you guys to learn how to love eachother and strengthen your relationship for sure.
 
Hello my name is Sean Obergfell I am a local Pastor in Olean,NY. You can call me at 716-397-8016....
livingouttruth.com
search...Believers Chapel-Allegany

If there is anything I can do to help....please let me know.

It is worth the fight and work to restore the broken relationship.....but that MUST BE a two way street.
 
James, I am sure it will all be ok in the end. Approaching this from a religious standpoint is wise. I wish you all the best.
 
Thanks everyone, I'll do my best. She's willing to live together as friends while i complete college( 3 yrs?) I ' m praying for the best, and preparing for the worse. A tip on local church would be great. I definitely could use help. Counselling is going to be a tough sell. At this point i can ask, but she seems very reluctant. I'm extremely fortunate that she's allowing me to continue living with my children , and her for time being . It sucks, we'll see what happens.
 
I'll add that when my wife,and I divorced,we tried the "living together as friends" because we had children,,,,DON'T DO THAT,,the best thing to do is give her her space,give her what she wants,and the chance to see that its not really what she wants at all.
 
When I went through my divorce, the most powerful lesson I learned was that no matter how badly I wanted things to work out, no matter how many tears, or letters, if she wasn't on board with fixing things, it did not matter what I did.

I understand how you feel. At the time she left, I would have done anything to make things work.

That was a tough pill to swallow, as we had a 4 month old daughter at the time. A little over five years later, my Ex and I are truly great friends who work together to raise our daughter. Things will get better. My ex and I teach in the same school, and my students are always shocked that we are able to get along so well. I just tell them that time heals all wounds.
 
yup we have all been through it unfortanately you have to give her what she wants. living with each other is a horrible idea becouse she already doesnt want to be together so living with each other is just making it easier for her to move on. you cant miss whats there. i have watched allot of people go threw this. the guys that begged cried and treid everything in there power to get the girl back always lost. the guys that went on there way and had fun and acted like nothing happend. ALWAYS got there women back. so moral of the story if shes not willing to work on the relationship but is willing to stay friends is just an easy way for her to move on. google it you will be surprised how many people have been threw this and what works and what doesnt.
 
bummer turn of events... sorry man. I agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder... Familiarity breeds contempt. I know these are indescribably tough times...think with your head and not your heart right now. JMO
 
Block Head,
I would take Pastor Sean up on his offer to help. Building a foundation with God and a church IMO is the best for you right now. Even if it's by yourself it will help you to go through this tough time whatever the outcome.

I have also been through this. Even though my first marriage ended in divorce... My pastor was a life saver as I met with him every week and attended church. Without the foundation I would have crumbled.

There are many things you can do "right" in this period of your life. However, there are 1000 more times greater of doing things "wrong" A pastor can help you realize what you cannot see.

Try getting the Movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron. It is a great movie. Also, there are great books you can read like "Every Mans Marriage" Series.

Also, if you need help, encouragement, a slap in the face (lol) or just someone to speak with hit me up at any time.
I wish all the best for you and your family.

Frank
 
You have some excellent advise so far in this thread. Speaking from the other side of the coin, asking my x for divorce 4 years ago started a very long and difficult process. The actual legal part was easy with both parties agreeing on division of property. I was the one who was completely done and there was no fixing it, even with the attempted marriage counseling. The downfall in my situation was too little communication, too late. There was no going back from years of carrying the weight of household responsibilities squarely on my shoulders as my respect for him was lost due to a number of issues over the years. If you two are able to sit down and seriously hash out all possible issues without attacking each other, your chances are better. Giving her space could be a good thing or it could work against you. Go with your gut on these things, it usually won't steer you wrong. I wish you luck and love and if there's anything we can do let us know.
 
Hope everything works out for you man. Sorry about the way things are going for you. If you fel like getting out just let me know I am around the corner always have beer and usually doing some kind of stupid experiment thats sure to amuse you haha
 
LittleBee said:
Absolutely sorry to hear this. :( I think church would be a great idea. Understanding Christ can help you guys to learn how to love eachother and strengthen your relationship for sure.
Click to expand...

Marriage is a full time job and it cannot be done successfully alone and rarely even with the help of your spouse (look at today's divorce statistics), but a strand of 3 is rarely broken. By all means GOD (not to be confused with church) is your answer, and you can meet Him in your local church (or in your bedroom, bar, garage, whatever.) Mostly He lives in your heart. Talk to Him, pour out your heart to Him, give Him your soul, turn your life over to Him. He may or may not save your marriage but you'll be on the right track for what He has planned for you next. And yes, you can certainly learn more about Him in church. Blessings. My wife and I will pray for you.

By the way, look up www.unitedmarriageencounter.org. If you can get her to go you will learn an awful lot. It's a ministry that my wife and I are dedicated to, having felt the sting of divorce before. If after reading the website you wish to know more, PM me and we'll chat.
 
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