Well since the last time I was on here I did go to a few places. A riverboat cruise through Germany on the Danube river and 3 Hawaiian Islands. We just celebrated our 47th wedding anniversary and that is where we went on our honeymoon.
This time we went to Maui, Kauai and Lanai as Lanai was not open to the public the last time we were there and it is secluded. The diving in Hawaii is not very good but I did three dives anyway just because I could.
Early this week I had to go to Florida on business and I flew Spirit Airlines. I usually go on Jet Blue but Spirit had a flight that was a better time. Have you ever flown on Spirit?
It is an experience and there is a reason Jet Blue charges in excess of $300,00 and Spirit charges $17.67, round trip.
The first thing you notice on the flight is that there are no TVs, no little hole to plug ear phones or charge electronic devices in, no blankets, pillows, magazines or those little papers that keep the grease off your head from the last guy who sat there.
There is also no free soda, water, peanuts, juice or anything else. as a matter of fact, when you take your ticket and scan it at that little kiosk, it asks you how much you want to pay for your seat. There are $10.00 seats, $20.00 seats and $50.00 seats. I took the $10.00 seat as I assume the $50.00 seat you have to sit on the pilot's lap, but I am not sure. If you don't pick a seat I don't know where they put you as I didn't see anyone lying on the floor and it was night time so I couldn't tell if anyone was strapped to the wings. Carry on bags cost you $50.00 and if you want to take luggage there is a "Bank of America" there where you can take out a home equity loan.
The hostesses were friendly but they didn't have much to do as there was nothing they could give you except a smile when they told you "Sorry" we don't have that or Sorry, you have to pay for water and peanuts.
I noticed a guy near the back of the plane with a bow and arrow, I figured he was the air marshal.
I sat by the emergency door and she instructed me that in an emergency I would have to open the door. I said "fine" I have no problem with that. It was a door knob with two deadbolts. So we are flying and it was a very turbulent flight. I spoke to the hostess for a while as she was standing in front of me ironing. It got very rough. She leaned over and took a book out of the overhead compartment. It was a bible.
I read the Bible a few times in Viet Nam, but that was just before we would go into battle, a hostess on a plane reading a Bible in rough weather is not very soothing to me.
Then I tried to remember all the safety features of the plane. Of course, the safety features were the smoke detectors in the bathrooms, the little plastic card in the seat back that has the emergency instructions on it and those little orange life vests under the seat because whenever a plane traveling at 600 miles an hour hits the sea in a fiery crash, we always see all the people in perfect health floating with those little orange vests.
So I looked under my seat to see if there was a credit card slot next to the life jacket just in case I needed it. Then I was thinking, if anything happens I am going to be the safest one on the plane as I will take all the safety devices. The first thing I will do is make my way to the bathroom so I can grab a smoke detector. I will have to be fast as there are only 6 of them. Then I will get that little plastic card from the seat back and swipe my credit card under the seat so I can get the vest and if I have time, I can grab that bible. I may even be able to grab a few more of those plastic cards in the confusion.
I am seated by the emergency door and I know how to open it as I have the key. I am just waiting for something to happen.
Generally if you see the pilot running towards the back of the plane or if the hostess is having no trouble laying on the ceiling of the aircraft, those are sure signs that you can start reading that bible. But none of those things happened. Speaking of the back of the plane, that is the safest place to be as whenever you see pictures of a plane crash you always see that tail in perfect shape sticking up out of a sand dune.
There was one Supermodel on the plane and she was about 7' tall and if I was standing she could probably eat spaghetti off the top of my head. She had a ponytail and she sat a few rows in front of me on the plane. I kept watching because her pony tail almost got stuck in the overhead bins.
Speaking of overhead bins, I was sitting there waiting for the plane to take off and I was bored as I only had that pony tail to look at and the big guy who couldn't fit into the seat. So I take out my book just as the Captain shut off the lights. I wanted to turn on my overhead reading light but I noticed you had to put two, size D batteries in it and I didn't have any. So as I am sitting there in the dark it started to get stuffy and I reached up to turn on those little air things. I turned it and nothing happened. A few seconds later the hostess comes over to me and hands me this little paper envelope.
I open it up and it is one of those little paper fans that they used to give you in cheap Chinese restaurants. You can't make this stuff up.
Anyway the flight was uneventful but it gave me time to think, why don't they just make the entire plane out of the same stuff they make the black box out of? That always survives.
As I left the plane I had to squeeze past the hostess selling time shares as the co pilot was holding one of those cardboard containers with the slot in it for quarters for homeless dogs.
Make believe there is a picture of a plane here, I am standing next to it with a Supermodel who has a ponytail
