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Jim's 180 build
- Thread starter JohnL
- Start date
Jim_S
Timo Boll
What do you choose? The reef tank or the woman?
So my finace has decided that she wants me to live in Japan for a least a couple of years. I guess its been on her mind for sometime and she decided to fill me in this week.
The only thing really keeping me here is this reef. The job, I can find another. I don't own a home and have been waiting to buy one after we're married. My car is paid off. My friends and family, well, I'll always hopefully always have them. But the reef is my hobby, and obviously a big part of my life. I gave up drinking 5 years ago (last Sunday
) and this hobby has really helped fill a big hole in my life. Setting up a reef tank in Japan just isn't as easy as it is here (especially on this scale) and just not option as I'd be living in Tokyo (small spaces).
This possibility has always been on the horizon; however, I thought I had cleared that up before I went forward with this build. Unfortunately, thats just not case. Its something that she really wants me to do, and I know that if I don't go, its only a matter of time before our 6 year relationship ends.
Decisions, decisions....
So my finace has decided that she wants me to live in Japan for a least a couple of years. I guess its been on her mind for sometime and she decided to fill me in this week.
The only thing really keeping me here is this reef. The job, I can find another. I don't own a home and have been waiting to buy one after we're married. My car is paid off. My friends and family, well, I'll always hopefully always have them. But the reef is my hobby, and obviously a big part of my life. I gave up drinking 5 years ago (last Sunday
) and this hobby has really helped fill a big hole in my life. Setting up a reef tank in Japan just isn't as easy as it is here (especially on this scale) and just not option as I'd be living in Tokyo (small spaces).This possibility has always been on the horizon; however, I thought I had cleared that up before I went forward with this build. Unfortunately, thats just not case. Its something that she really wants me to do, and I know that if I don't go, its only a matter of time before our 6 year relationship ends.
Decisions, decisions....
Itaysworld
Premium Member
Jim - I've waited a few hours to see if someone has posted a response to your message, and not seeing one I figured I'd be the first to chime in.
While I don't really know you, now have I interacted much (if at all with you) there is a passion which draws us close and we spend many hours a week doing very similar things and on Reef Central, so I feel at liberty to give you my opinion and recommendation as a 'virtual friend', basing my opinion in my own experience and feelings.
I grew up traveling (went to 6 schools before 3 different countries before graduating from high school) and moved from place to place quite a bit. During college I also traveled quite a bit and had the misfortune of experiencing a 'long distance relationship' and its demise.
I am now much more settled in the US and very happily married for almost 2 years, and I have my new 180 gallon tank! I still travel on business, but its a fraction of the travel I used to do in years past.
Your profile does not state your age, but I'm 31 and I assume I'm talking to someone around my age. My most sincere recommendation and advice would be to listen to your heart and not to let go, or even open the door to tension and conflict which can ultimately lead to the end of a very special relationship.
If the woman you are with is truly 'the one' and the love of your life, and you are committed about your future together, I would pick a few years in Japan over keeping my dream tank intact.
You will always be able to come back into the hobby and build or buy something bigger, better, nicer, fancier, etc...
In love, it doesn't really work that way unless you are fond of "mail ordering" LOL all jokes aside, I don't think you can pick and choose in a relationship like you can something material, tangible and with a dollar value to it. Sure there is emotional value and attachment and effort that went into it, but it can be recreated... at least more easily than something between 2 people. Love.
I had the fortune to spend a week in Tokyo in 2006. Its an amazing place. Its very different (I don't know how much traveling you have done and how much you like to do so), but it will be very rewarding and culturally enriching.
I say, go to Japan, have a blast with your soon to be wife, experience new things, and all the while plan your next dream tank for your return.
Besides, imagine how many brownie points you'll be making by going! You should be able to double your water volume, have a huge fishroom and the works!
I'm sure its very hard to let go, and break down something you have build with your sweat, blood and tears, but your hobby is yours and you can put it on pause. I wouldn't dare try that with love! I wouldn't want to risk losing something that special.
I hope this has been helpful and not just a long babbling mess.
Best of luck making your choice!
While I don't really know you, now have I interacted much (if at all with you) there is a passion which draws us close and we spend many hours a week doing very similar things and on Reef Central, so I feel at liberty to give you my opinion and recommendation as a 'virtual friend', basing my opinion in my own experience and feelings.
I grew up traveling (went to 6 schools before 3 different countries before graduating from high school) and moved from place to place quite a bit. During college I also traveled quite a bit and had the misfortune of experiencing a 'long distance relationship' and its demise.
I am now much more settled in the US and very happily married for almost 2 years, and I have my new 180 gallon tank! I still travel on business, but its a fraction of the travel I used to do in years past.
Your profile does not state your age, but I'm 31 and I assume I'm talking to someone around my age. My most sincere recommendation and advice would be to listen to your heart and not to let go, or even open the door to tension and conflict which can ultimately lead to the end of a very special relationship.
If the woman you are with is truly 'the one' and the love of your life, and you are committed about your future together, I would pick a few years in Japan over keeping my dream tank intact.
You will always be able to come back into the hobby and build or buy something bigger, better, nicer, fancier, etc...
In love, it doesn't really work that way unless you are fond of "mail ordering"
LOL all jokes aside, I don't think you can pick and choose in a relationship like you can something material, tangible and with a dollar value to it. Sure there is emotional value and attachment and effort that went into it, but it can be recreated... at least more easily than something between 2 people. Love.I had the fortune to spend a week in Tokyo in 2006. Its an amazing place. Its very different (I don't know how much traveling you have done and how much you like to do so), but it will be very rewarding and culturally enriching.
I say, go to Japan, have a blast with your soon to be wife, experience new things, and all the while plan your next dream tank for your return.
Besides, imagine how many brownie points you'll be making by going! You should be able to double your water volume, have a huge fishroom and the works!
I'm sure its very hard to let go, and break down something you have build with your sweat, blood and tears, but your hobby is yours and you can put it on pause. I wouldn't dare try that with love! I wouldn't want to risk losing something that special.
I hope this has been helpful and not just a long babbling mess.
Best of luck making your choice!
Jim_S
Timo Boll
Thanks Itay!! Yes, I was hoping to get some feedback here. I consider you all my peers, and like you mentioned; we all are drawn to the same to hobby, forum and strive to accomplish the same goals. Because of this, only those that feel the same about this hobby can understand my dilemma.
Yes, I'm 28 now, so I know I have plenty of time to do this again. I do care for her very much. I would not even hesitate to cut ties with her if hat wasn't the case. However, as you mentioned, its just SOOOO hard for me to tear down this tank. I have invested so much time and emotion into this. And its just gotten to the point where I am not sitting awake all night thinking about what else I can do.
I have been to Japan on several occasions. I studied Japanese for 4 years in college and devoted almost as much time into it as I did my tank :lol: The culture there is wonderful, and I won't be going to some lame location. I would be moving right into the heart of the city. Just no reef tank
Yes, I could do it all over again, its just so frustrating to think all the work I have done was for nothing
Yes, I'm 28 now, so I know I have plenty of time to do this again. I do care for her very much. I would not even hesitate to cut ties with her if hat wasn't the case. However, as you mentioned, its just SOOOO hard for me to tear down this tank. I have invested so much time and emotion into this. And its just gotten to the point where I am not sitting awake all night thinking about what else I can do.
I have been to Japan on several occasions. I studied Japanese for 4 years in college and devoted almost as much time into it as I did my tank :lol: The culture there is wonderful, and I won't be going to some lame location. I would be moving right into the heart of the city. Just no reef tank
Yes, I could do it all over again, its just so frustrating to think all the work I have done was for nothing
jtarmitage
Active member
Jim, ummmm..........Japan! The reef tank is just a possesion which can easily be replaced, especially with the help of friends. Go now while you still have the opportunity and life, job and family don't have you tied down.
bored4long
New member
It is so true. Eventually life will not allow such awesome opportunities. Enjoy them while you can! Your reef can always be rebuilt. And Jeremy is right, you have a terrific, local support group that will see you back up and running when you are ready.<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=13285454#post13285454 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by jtarmitage
Jim, ummmm..........Japan! The reef tank is just a possesion which can easily be replaced, especially with the help of friends. Go now while you still have the opportunity and life, job and family don't have you tied down.
Itaysworld
Premium Member
Ah! Didn't know you have already been and have a good understanding of the language and culture! That's great.
You must be one of the few around here (not sure how many Japanese members ReefCentral has) that knows my name means "ouch" in Japanese :lmao:
I stayed in Shibuya at the Cerulean Tokyu Towers. What a crazy week of work and fun that was! I'd love to go back!
I don't know if this was your first large tank, but my 180 is my first large and first saltwater tank... so I know if I were to tear it down, it would take a piece of my heart (and liver and more with it)...
... although its also been a trial and error and way for me to figure out what I can/want to do differently, better, or repeat.
Perhaps another thought is to see if some other active Reef Central user or even friend of yours buys your set up, kind of like Edward and Agent SPS did... that would be a way to maintain the tank alive and in the 'family' though it would be a new set up.
You can always get a small nano reef or something to keep your feet wet while over there! Or you could travel to visit Ed Reef in China
You'll have blast! Gokouun o inorimasu!
You must be one of the few around here (not sure how many Japanese members ReefCentral has) that knows my name means "ouch" in Japanese :lmao:
I stayed in Shibuya at the Cerulean Tokyu Towers. What a crazy week of work and fun that was! I'd love to go back!
I don't know if this was your first large tank, but my 180 is my first large and first saltwater tank... so I know if I were to tear it down, it would take a piece of my heart (and liver and more with it)...
... although its also been a trial and error and way for me to figure out what I can/want to do differently, better, or repeat.
Perhaps another thought is to see if some other active Reef Central user or even friend of yours buys your set up, kind of like Edward and Agent SPS did... that would be a way to maintain the tank alive and in the 'family' though it would be a new set up.
You can always get a small nano reef or something to keep your feet wet while over there! Or you could travel to visit Ed Reef in China
You'll have blast! Gokouun o inorimasu!
dvanacker
DID I SOUNDS SMRT??
I don't know why I'm replying but is there a possibility that she wants you to move to Japan (where her family and roots are I presume) for a few years with the motive that she can get you to move there permanently over time?? I'm sure you have considered this if it was a possiblity.......
Moving across the world for Love is a hard thing , permanent or temporary. I'm sure if you look deep into your heart you will find the answer though. Good luck
Moving across the world for Love is a hard thing , permanent or temporary. I'm sure if you look deep into your heart you will find the answer though. Good luck
mhills16
Premium Member
I am going to agree with everyone, i would go.....i wont lie, it is hard moving across the country with your family, i have done it sevral times being in the military, but, what i can tell you is that it makes the relationship with your wife and family if you have kids even stronger! It is something that you will always remember your entire life and will bring greater experiences and memories than your tank i promise! On your return years from now i hope to read a thread entitled Jims 450 gallon build lol!
Jim_S
Timo Boll
Jeremy,
So it would be that easy for you? Wow man, I guess I really, really have a problem :lol:
Seriously, don't let Mandy read this. She'll attack me next time I see you guys :lol:
Mark, yes, the local support is there and there is a great community here in Sac. In in time (with help) I'm sure I can get back to where I am now
Itay, yes, you're name (itaii) does mean ouch hahaha. You got really formal on me with that phrase. Its not something I hear very often. Normally on a friendly level the Japanese will say "Ganbatte Kudasai".... Literal translation is do your best please, but often times just translated as good louck
Going to China would be SICK! It is definitely on my list of countries to visit
Darryl, Thanks for the reply. Yes, I have considered this. I would actually be staying with her parents. They have a beautiful home in the city. However, they also own a home in Hawaii, and they plan to spend long periods of time there during the next year (since they've retired). Its a tough call. I do have a feeling that if I go, it will be much longer than a couple of years....
mhills, yes. I would definitely get some serious clout for this. I would definitely lobby for a new system. But the problem i that I doubt she will accept my taste for expensive equipment
So it would be that easy for you? Wow man, I guess I really, really have a problem :lol:
Seriously, don't let Mandy read this. She'll attack me next time I see you guys :lol:
Mark, yes, the local support is there and there is a great community here in Sac. In in time (with help) I'm sure I can get back to where I am now
Itay, yes, you're name (itaii) does mean ouch hahaha. You got really formal on me with that phrase. Its not something I hear very often. Normally on a friendly level the Japanese will say "Ganbatte Kudasai".... Literal translation is do your best please, but often times just translated as good louck
Going to China would be SICK! It is definitely on my list of countries to visit
Darryl, Thanks for the reply. Yes, I have considered this. I would actually be staying with her parents. They have a beautiful home in the city. However, they also own a home in Hawaii, and they plan to spend long periods of time there during the next year (since they've retired). Its a tough call. I do have a feeling that if I go, it will be much longer than a couple of years....
mhills, yes. I would definitely get some serious clout for this. I would definitely lobby for a new system. But the problem i that I doubt she will accept my taste for expensive equipment
kdblove_99
New member
Stay Bro Stay! No way should you go How soon would you leave? I gotta ask you a few things
In all seriousness i am a family man, The reef is a great bonus. But if you love her like i think you do, I would go for sure! You will be missed. I consider you a great reefing friend even though i never stop bye
How soon would you leave? I gotta ask you a few thingsIn all seriousness i am a family man, The reef is a great bonus. But if you love her like i think you do, I would go for sure! You will be missed. I consider you a great reefing friend even though i never stop bye
jackiechandc
Canadian Reefer
Choose the girl and head to Japan!
jtarmitage
Active member
In a word.........Yep, but with one qualification. She must agree that she is not allowed to give you ANY grief when you get around to setting up another tank!!!
Decisions like this become much easier to dwell on if you're in a position that you couldn't do it even if you wanted to. My kids, wife and job situation wouldn't allow the opportunity, and knowing what I know now, you need to enjoy experiences like this when they present themselves.
Oh, and I wouldn't dream of letting Mandi read this!:lol:
Maximus
Active member
Jim, I agree with everyone else here. This is a chance of a lifetime to live in a new place and surround yourself with a different culture. My best friend just came back from Korea. He teaches English at a local University in Seoul and comes back to the states to finish his MBA during the school year. You do not understand how much I envy this guy. He has the best of both worlds and lives his life freely. He has pretty much experienced the whole world (he was in the Marine Corps) while I have not experienced it at all. Go abroad and travel while you are young so you won't regret it as I have. While my family and kids mean everything to me, there is a small part of me that wonders what if...You can always set up a reef anytime. If you can show your girlfriend how much of a sacrifice it was to tear down your tank and move to Japan, there is no way she would stand in your way from setting up a new tank once you are married. We will miss you.
Go abroad and travel while you are young so you won't regret it as I have. While my family and kids mean everything to me, there is a small part of me that wonders what if...You can always set up a reef anytime. If you can show your girlfriend how much of a sacrifice it was to tear down your tank and move to Japan, there is no way she would stand in your way from setting up a new tank once you are married. We will miss you.
I will miss you bro First Jeremy and now you; If I had an opportunity to take a risk like the one you have in front of you, I would go in a heartbeat. Not only is it a chance to be with the woman that you love, you will get to go back to the fish markets for some A1 sushi.
I know that this is a huge decision and you should not take it lightly, but not many of us are afforded special opportunities. Best of luck bro with your decison making process, but no matter what, DO NOT let a reef tank be the excuse.
This is a hobby that helps fulfill/frustrate out lives. Go find a new life that does not revolve around air meters, alkalinity or par meters
First Jeremy and now you; If I had an opportunity to take a risk like the one you have in front of you, I would go in a heartbeat. Not only is it a chance to be with the woman that you love, you will get to go back to the fish markets for some A1 sushi.I know that this is a huge decision and you should not take it lightly, but not many of us are afforded special opportunities. Best of luck bro with your decison making process, but no matter what, DO NOT let a reef tank be the excuse.
This is a hobby that helps fulfill/frustrate out lives. Go find a new life that does not revolve around air meters, alkalinity or par meters
Jim_S
Timo Boll
Thanks guys!!
Yes, if I decide to leave, I will miss you all very much.
All of what you have said is very true. Now is a good time in my for me to be able to do these things without any ties or restraints. I have given it lots of thought, and it does appear that I'm leaning that way. I have some things to go over with my family before I make the final decision, but I know that they are going to tell me to go.
I just wish I would have known this before I embarked on this build. I feel like so much time and energy have just gone to waste. Moreover, finding new homes for all my livestock will be gut wrenching.
I've got some thinking to do as well as some planning, but wanted to thank you guys for sharing your opinions One of the hardest parts about leaving is parting ways with faces (or avatars) that I've grown to know over the past 4 years. Thanks again guys!
Jim
Yes, if I decide to leave, I will miss you all very much.
All of what you have said is very true. Now is a good time in my for me to be able to do these things without any ties or restraints. I have given it lots of thought, and it does appear that I'm leaning that way. I have some things to go over with my family before I make the final decision, but I know that they are going to tell me to go.
I just wish I would have known this before I embarked on this build. I feel like so much time and energy have just gone to waste. Moreover, finding new homes for all my livestock will be gut wrenching.
I've got some thinking to do as well as some planning, but wanted to thank you guys for sharing your opinions
One of the hardest parts about leaving is parting ways with faces (or avatars) that I've grown to know over the past 4 years. Thanks again guys!Jim
uhuru
New member
I would go for sure. You will get over your tank much easier than your fiance. Especially in Japan. Life is short and you should expose yourself to as many different cultures as possible while you still can. Plus, once you get settled in, I'm sure you will find a way to stay in the hobby and make the most of even a nano setup if need be. If after all that you find yourself unhappy and miserable, well you can always come back home.
oh and dibs on the ATB. j/k
oh and dibs on the ATB.
j/k
