OK! Enough chat...Starting a 1000g+ Reef
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PaPa_Johnny
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<a href=showthread.php?s=&postid=12110094#post12110094 target=_blank>Originally posted</a> by jnarowe
It means we give money to the machine.
Jonathan you crack me up
About the I support RC, and I forgot to write your name down so forgive me, in the Home page on the left side is a "Support RC" header, in it is a "premium member" button. You sign up and pay so much a year. This keeps RC running gives you search preferences and other important stuff "I support RC :smokin: ". I honestly don't remember how much it is anymore.
Sorry to hijack J.
HTH
PaPa_Johnny
Premium Member
and of course I'm way to slow for Marc 
ksouers
New member
Jonathan,
Thanks for the link. That was an interesting experience she had. You say yours was similar? Did you have a hemorrhage as well? Mine is a clot, actually a couple of them. While my stroke is in the left hemisphere my experience was not like that at all. I was mildly paralyzed on the right side and still have some residual in my fingers that makes typing awkward, especially with the pinky and ring fingers. I also have intermittent awkwardness walking, usually more so when I get tired or the ground is uneven. But the most difficult part to deal with has been the loss of vocabulary. It is sometimes very difficult to describe things as I can not remember words, even common ones. I often initially misunderstand emails by my colleges, having to put them aside to read them again later. Replying in a coherent manner has also been a challenge.
But for a programmer, the biggest difficulty has been trying to describe concepts or events and tasks. Following a logical thought, remembering what needs to be done or what a section of code is supposed to do, can be quite a chore and quite embarrassing at the wrong moment (meetings). Looking at something very common, knowing what it is, but not remembering what it is called has been the hardest thing to deal with.
Physically I'm fine, just not as dexterous as I used to be. But of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Reef Ruler
New member
Uhhh...I dunno where to start lol! No offense, but theres no way im reading through ALL of these BREAKS!!! lol. Could one please direct me to a page with the most updated pics? I wanna see this monster!
Thanks
Brian
Thanks
Brian
jnarowe
New member
Brian, you can click on the red house to see pics, as well as look up my stuff on photobucket (jnarowe).
Kevin,
Being a coder puts you into a higher intellectual bracket so there's more to miss.
I did not have any paralysis per se, but did take a while to get control of myself back. Movements were difficult and even though I was so proud on my first walk through a park, my Father later told me that I was not walking in a straight line and he had to keep pulling back onto the path...the hard part about that is no conscious understanding that I was going off the path, or even any sense that I wasn't walking in a straight line.
Hard to explain to those who haven't had a traumatic brain injury. I have gone to brain group ever since, although I get more bent there than about anywhere now. When I look around the room and see odd behaviors, it not only affects my ability to concentrate and function, but also astounds me that I am one of them.
Fortunately for me, I don't get embarrassed. Lost that and much of my executive function. I just say whatever is on my mind, and in any group setting I will seriously offend at least one person around 100% of the time.
Tough thing is the fatigue which then leads to errors in judgement. We call it "brain bucks" in group, where you start the day with $20 and can spend them rather quickly. If I had a real job like you, I would be fired. Fortunately reef keeping has help me recover dramatically. The down-side is when I realized that the docs' idea of 100% recovery were much different than my own. They didn't care that I lost my sense of humor, but were more focused on anger management and shoe tying.
Whatever the case, I am glad to be alive.
My experience was a lot like hers in that I had a strange existential separation from my body. But for me, with a massive hemmorhage, the pain was much worse than what she describes. It was so severe, I remember thinking about birth pain and getting sick to my stomach. Really sick.
I was on the phone with my Mom at the time, and she said I sounded tired. I had already tried to go into the back of the store to pray to the porcelain God, but I couldn't get myself there. My mind had lost control of my body, or at least control was intermittent, and I just could not get back there. I laid down on the concrete floor for comfort.
A customer came in and said I didn't look good, and I responded that I didn't feel good. He took the phone and told my Mom he was calling an ambulance. I don't remember that, or much of anything after that, save a few short bursts of consciousness. Apparently I was giving orders to the cops to lock up the store, checked myself into the hospital, and talked with my wife, but again no memory of it.
The local hospital thought I was dehydrated. But since I was in and out of consciousness, I guess at some point they figured I needed a trauma center, and the had me helo to Harborview Medical Center. For a brief second I "awoke" in the helicopter--probably from the noise--looked around and out went the lights. I spent about a week there getting every damn test 5 times, and there is no experience like a cat scan or MRI when suffering from a brain injury.
I had the same symptoms she had with extreme sensitivity to sound, motion, and light. I had numerous hallucenations that went on for months. Sounds were so loud and often in the wrong place. A battery operated clock that nobody else could hear, would be loud and sound like it was in front of me, when in fact it would be on the wall behind me. Very scary stuff. I still can't be in a room with a ceiling fan. You know Home Depot has them all over the store, but most people don't "see" them?
The scans I have on disk show about 1/3 of my brain missing. (left hemi BTW)
Kevin,
Being a coder puts you into a higher intellectual bracket so there's more to miss.
I did not have any paralysis per se, but did take a while to get control of myself back. Movements were difficult and even though I was so proud on my first walk through a park, my Father later told me that I was not walking in a straight line and he had to keep pulling back onto the path...the hard part about that is no conscious understanding that I was going off the path, or even any sense that I wasn't walking in a straight line.Hard to explain to those who haven't had a traumatic brain injury. I have gone to brain group ever since, although I get more bent there than about anywhere now. When I look around the room and see odd behaviors, it not only affects my ability to concentrate and function, but also astounds me that I am one of them.
Fortunately for me, I don't get embarrassed. Lost that and much of my executive function. I just say whatever is on my mind, and in any group setting I will seriously offend at least one person around 100% of the time.
Tough thing is the fatigue which then leads to errors in judgement. We call it "brain bucks" in group, where you start the day with $20 and can spend them rather quickly. If I had a real job like you, I would be fired. Fortunately reef keeping has help me recover dramatically. The down-side is when I realized that the docs' idea of 100% recovery were much different than my own. They didn't care that I lost my sense of humor, but were more focused on anger management and shoe tying.
Whatever the case, I am glad to be alive.
My experience was a lot like hers in that I had a strange existential separation from my body. But for me, with a massive hemmorhage, the pain was much worse than what she describes. It was so severe, I remember thinking about birth pain and getting sick to my stomach. Really sick.
I was on the phone with my Mom at the time, and she said I sounded tired. I had already tried to go into the back of the store to pray to the porcelain God, but I couldn't get myself there. My mind had lost control of my body, or at least control was intermittent, and I just could not get back there. I laid down on the concrete floor for comfort.
A customer came in and said I didn't look good, and I responded that I didn't feel good. He took the phone and told my Mom he was calling an ambulance. I don't remember that, or much of anything after that, save a few short bursts of consciousness. Apparently I was giving orders to the cops to lock up the store, checked myself into the hospital, and talked with my wife, but again no memory of it.
The local hospital thought I was dehydrated. But since I was in and out of consciousness, I guess at some point they figured I needed a trauma center, and the had me helo to Harborview Medical Center. For a brief second I "awoke" in the helicopter--probably from the noise--looked around and out went the lights. I spent about a week there getting every damn test 5 times, and there is no experience like a cat scan or MRI when suffering from a brain injury.
I had the same symptoms she had with extreme sensitivity to sound, motion, and light. I had numerous hallucenations that went on for months. Sounds were so loud and often in the wrong place. A battery operated clock that nobody else could hear, would be loud and sound like it was in front of me, when in fact it would be on the wall behind me. Very scary stuff. I still can't be in a room with a ceiling fan. You know Home Depot has them all over the store, but most people don't "see" them?
The scans I have on disk show about 1/3 of my brain missing. (left hemi BTW)
PaPa_Johnny
Premium Member
"Lost my sense of humor" your sure it didn't just take another turn? 
I'm impressed over and over with what you have accomplished J.
I'm impressed over and over with what you have accomplished J.
jnarowe
New member
Thanks Johnny. Prior to my injury I was pretty damn witty. After I had zero sense of humor. The few people who were comfortable enough to hang out with me would make attempts at humor, but my mind could get log jammed trying to assess what I was hearing and seeing. Body language meant nothing and humor was a complete loss. It was horrible. I spent about 2 years working on humor by telling jokes and assessing the response. Over time I was able to re-build much of it and feel fairly confidnet today that I can understand and communicate humor.
What "normals" don't realize is how intricate human communication is. We often wonder about animal vocal language and the associated body language, without realizing how much we use tone and movement to communicate our own ideas. And humor is the most intricate of all.
I felt that if I were not able to regain my sense of humor, my life would be miserable indeed. Even stranger is the experience of observing your own brain re-map itself. I went from drooling on myself and no sense of the passage of time, to simple math, and now to running a reef and interacting socially. Each step was a giant leap in brain function.
What "normals" don't realize is how intricate human communication is. We often wonder about animal vocal language and the associated body language, without realizing how much we use tone and movement to communicate our own ideas. And humor is the most intricate of all.
I felt that if I were not able to regain my sense of humor, my life would be miserable indeed. Even stranger is the experience of observing your own brain re-map itself. I went from drooling on myself and no sense of the passage of time, to simple math, and now to running a reef and interacting socially. Each step was a giant leap in brain function.
ksouers
New member
Wow, so much to respond to here...
Yes, watching the brain repair itself was odd. I expected a slow, gradual recovery. But it was kind of like a stutter, jumping forward suddenly. At first I couldn't write or feed myself. I didn't know how to hold a fork, or even know if I was holding it. Even more difficult was getting it to my mouth. My hand would stay in a loosely-held fist. Then suddenly one day I could feed myself, but I still couldn't write my name. It took a couple months before I could reasonably take care of myself by myself. I still can't write very well, but for the most part it's legible. Fortunately, I can transcribe my notes on a keyboard to a text document. I can tie my shoes but buttons still make me want to scream. The doctors define movement as gross and fine motor skills. My gross skills are OK, but my fine skills are degraded.
I, too, have noticed some extra sensitivity to light and sound. Not to the extent you have, but more like a migraine headache, which I've never had in the past. Enough so that I've had to go home and darken the room just to get away from the stimulus. But for you an MRI had to be intolerable!
Yes, watching the brain repair itself was odd. I expected a slow, gradual recovery. But it was kind of like a stutter, jumping forward suddenly. At first I couldn't write or feed myself. I didn't know how to hold a fork, or even know if I was holding it. Even more difficult was getting it to my mouth. My hand would stay in a loosely-held fist. Then suddenly one day I could feed myself, but I still couldn't write my name. It took a couple months before I could reasonably take care of myself by myself. I still can't write very well, but for the most part it's legible. Fortunately, I can transcribe my notes on a keyboard to a text document. I can tie my shoes but buttons still make me want to scream. The doctors define movement as gross and fine motor skills. My gross skills are OK, but my fine skills are degraded.
I, too, have noticed some extra sensitivity to light and sound. Not to the extent you have, but more like a migraine headache, which I've never had in the past. Enough so that I've had to go home and darken the room just to get away from the stimulus. But for you an MRI had to be intolerable!
jnarowe
New member
Well, that is truly good news since when we met we were at Barrier Reef and I always get torqued at LFS. SO many things to look at and so much stimuli. Noise, light, people, fish...I usually go bananas before I can get myself out.
Well Kevin, the good news is that you may still get back the fine motor skills. My stroke was in '04 and I am still seeing incremental improvement. I have been noticing lately that I have not been using my ear plugs when going into stores. That is a huge improvement that has slowly crept up on me.
Every time I had a scan, it would take a week to recover. Now that I have more control over myself, I would just refuse to go into one.
I was house-bound for over a year. No desire to leave. No desire to drive. I only went to appointments and an occassional outing with a friend or relative. I had to take the "gimp" bus to group sessions and that was horrible. The rattling, flashing light etc. made me ill, but I did meet a guy on the bus that I am still close friends with to this day. The day I was on-board with a turrets victim was the last day I rode the bus. I just couldn't take it.
Part of being house-bound was that it led to getting into saltwater. I had kept many FW tanks over the years, but never had the time to study enough to try SW. At that point, I had a lot of time on my hands and I used it as a recovery vehicle.
Because I had my injury at a young age and because I was very healthy, not smoking or drinking, physically fit, helped out a lot in the recovery process. The doctors were a little surprised I survived such a massive stroke and I think I owe that to be healthy when it happened.
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