i had extremely hard water in the location i ran my greenhouse. a typical sodium-based water softener did not help in my situation. as you stated, the softener just swaps one substance (iron/calcium/magnesium/manganese) for another (sodium). the deionizer still gets used up just as quickly.
the two things that greatly improved my deionizer performance was to 1) run an RO unit before the deionizer. i know this defeats the whole idea of running a DI only to conserve wasted water, but in my case, it was a necessity. BTW, an RO membrane will function much better at removing sodium than it will trying to remove soluble iron, so a typical softener benefits the membranes. 2) installed an iron removal system. this system was a 2-tank system that injected high amounts of air into the water, thereby oxidizing the iron (turning it from soluble iron to particulate rust). then the water flows thorugh a sand-type filter to trap the rust. it also removed other substances like the calcium and manganese as long as they can be oxidized. the benefit of these aspirated removal systems is that the unwanted substances are removed from the water, instead of swapped for something else. the DI will last much longer.
in my case, i was using the 10 series. originally i was producing about 300+ gallons of useable water through the DI (my memory is a little rusty, but i believe that to be an accurate number). after i installed the iron removal systema and the RO membranes, i was able to make somewhere over 6,000 gallons.
i also received some advice that there is another way to remove the iron from source water. that is to have your tap water spray in a fine manner...almost a mist... into a large vat. this will also oxidize much of the hardness and let it settle to the bottom of the vat. if the vat is in an elevated position, the DI can be fed from the middle of the vat to avoid the settled particles. feeding the vat with ozone seems to me would also likely accelerate the oxidation of hardness.
i have also talked to people who think that some sort of flocculent would help. these flocculnets would be mixed into the vat and bind themselves to specific atoms/ molecules/ ions and force them to settle out of solution.
most of these methods will involve some cost, so that has to weighed against the time/ cost of recharging the DI.